Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 2

If anything ends, I hope these inscriptions will be an explanation.

My days are filled with ambiguity.

I feel like I don't have a reason.

I write this, in hopes that if I do come out of this someday, I will look back , read this, and pat myself on the back for being able to come out of this rut. And, so that I will understand that i need to go through the bad, to savour the good.

But if I don't make it, it's alright.


My days , my days, are filled with ambiguity.

I drive. My legs are on the pedals, my hands on the wheel. It's auto mode. My mind is elsewhere, and my eyes, tearing.

I work. My body feels detached from my head (or brain, more to say.)

there's another being living in there. It tells me what to do. It says stuff, it speaks to me all day long. And I fight it. My thoughts branches. Many levels, many depths. Each on its own continues to speak, and they are all of different ideas and they all speak at the same time.

The chaos in my head, I cannot control. Each thought has a life of it's own and they are all arguing amongst themselves. It is noisy, and I have no control. No control what so ever.

I'm tired.

I go to sleep, in hopes for rest but they never tire. maybe, for a while they do, (while the subconscious takes over with my vivid adventurous and sometimes scary dreams) but just one wake, and all the living beings atop each segmented branches wake up as well and start processing thoughts, opinions, ideas and question that i have to rush to answer so that I can go back to sleep,

So that I can stop the palpitation

So that I can be at peace.

they don't stop.

Flight of ideas, frequent defenses. I'm fighting myself and I'm losing the battle.

No, I'm not crazy.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It Gets Better", Is time to move on.
I can do it, I am sure u can too.

2:41 pm  

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