Sunday, July 23, 2006

The End of A Wonderful Journey

Tales of A Little Boy has come to an END

Well, many must be wondering why (or not) I haven’t been writing anything here. Just so you guys know, I have been in IMU Clinical School Seremban now for about 21 weeks, and that’s a pretty long time. I guess I have to say I sorta lost the passion to write for a while, despite all that have been happening so far.

Clinical school has been a great experience thus far. You feel so close, yet so far from becoming a doctor. Life here is COMPLETELY different as compared to Phase 1, for starters, Self Directed Learning has a whole new meaning when you are actually here in CSS(Clinical school Seremban).

Being here, it’s not about studying anymore. It’s all about applying. If you thought that all those interviews with simulated patients were going to be the same when you start practicing, well, hell you’re wrong. Never mind the fact that most of the patients here prefer to speak in their mother tongue (which is hardly English,), what’s most important is that it’s not all the same, it’s not all stereotypical. Every single patient (and I mean, EVERY SINGLE one of them) has a different way of presentation, and you have to deal with all them in a different manner too. No two patients can be dealt the same way. Trust me.

You enter the ward with expectations, to get a case for your Case Presentations, to get a patient for your case summaries and case reports, etc, but the patients are there, with their own set of expectations. Problem is, can you even fulfill half of what they are expecting? Most often than not: NO.

Having a strong foundation is of utmost importance. Having compassion is another. You walk around the wards, and you see how the doctors behave, the nurses, the relatives, THE SPECIALIST, and you wonder to yourself, you wonder, and you fear if one day, just one fine day, if you will become what you see today.

Hell no. That will only be a curse.

I think I would have spoken to about 100+ patients until today. Each and every one of them worry if they are actually going to die, despite having the mildest abdominal pain. Never mind them, what about the ones who are really gonna see the gates of heaven (or hell) very soon? How about the ones with the big C? You are there, clerking and happily noting all your physical findings while they worry every second if they will be able to see their children get married, if anyone will be there to take care of their kids once they are gone...if the child that left them once will come back to see them just once, just once…

Many broke into tears in front of me, leaving me dumbfounded; speechless; at that time you wish you could just do something to make them feel better at that moment of time, or just wished that they die and put their suffering to an end. All I can offer is a hug, a pat, sit there and just listen to them. Nevermind if I have to go for a class in 5 minutes, they probably need me more.

When months pass, and you get used to what actually happens in the ward, you start to question if you can really blame the doctors, nurses etc for being the way they are.

But no, I’m not going to succumb to that. Not going to succumb to the fact that we will all get all too numb with that that happens in the ward and just be the same as others.

Anyways, coming back to the real reason of this post, I decided to stop, as it feels pretentious. You tailor to your reader’s needs and wants. Maybe if you don’t write about the latest news commenting about it, you are lesser a debater, or just being the bimbo that you are. I guess a blog is there for you to express yourself, 100%, but it ain't the case here.

So, bubbye Tales of A Little Boy

By the way, to those who are heading to your clinicals soon, don’t be discouraged. Clinical school has so much to offer, no matter where you go. It’s a whole new experience, worthwhile, every single minute you spend here. Medicine, it’s just a great field to be in. Seriously.

Looking back at what I have written here, I realised that this blog holds great memories, that with my friends, my fellow debaters, the darker side of me (he he he) and much more. Good times.


Blogger Sheena said...

Sounds like you're going through the same mid-bloglife crisis I went through. Having gone through a period of self-examination, I came to realise that true venting/self-expression only came when I blogged for myself. Reading this post reminded me how much I miss your writing, and how much I miss you, you goose you! May God bless you in Seremban, Vas *hug*

2:31 am  
Blogger Vas said...

Awwwwwwww Sheena, thanks!!! I miss you too!! Man, it's not the same anymore you know. Sigh. I miss you too, love ya, and hope to see you when you leave soon!!

8:52 pm  
Blogger Ken S.C. said...

Hey, you sounded like u're breaking up with something you care so how i did last march!! Sigh, whatever it is dude,i'm glad i've learnt much from your blog... It's a new phase now ain't it dear? haha, hope you're still free after this... You know what,I owe you a treat..actually,treatS... come back , give me a call, we'll catch up , and well, b'fast/lunch/dinner is on me. I got lots to tell ya...thanks so much for being such a pal to me..during my drought season n ukraine stuffs... You're hot,doctor..stay that way *winks*
Gonna miss ur company,really... take care...God bless..

1:08 pm  
Anonymous victor chong said...

vasan, i am victor, your ex batch mates.its nice u have a good blog.i admire the thing that u have written. your life amaze fact i admire u.u are such a cute guy

9:13 pm  
Blogger pink dolphin said...

hi victor, ;-) I'm glad you like my blog. It's ashame thatI'm planning of putting this blog to an end, cos' It does have good memories. Maybe I'll start writing again. But i do have another blog..

anyways thanks for the comment

12:28 pm  

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