Tales of A Little Boy

Hoping

2011-04-01T15:58:00.002+08:00

If I understood everything,

I wouldn't be needing explanations.

I ask,

Because I care, because I love

Not to get into your skin

Not to be dramatic

There's so much pain

It's reaching 4 months

I've missed my friend

Yes, I was in love with you, BEFORE.

We're friends now,

I deserve that respect, at least.

There could have been 1001 ways of solving this problem;

and you chose the 1001th solution, which is silence and distance.

I don't know if you know how I feel, or if you even care.

But as long as you are happy.

Memories of you and me will always be alive.

And I hope someday, you will grow out of yourself, and see that the world isn't just about what you think is right. Look at everything closely, and you'll see that you do exactly what i do that makes you mad.

Be happy always. I love you.

Day 6

2011-02-20T21:10:00.002+08:00

The ghosts of the past are back, and they are haunting me.

I feel no cheer, I feel no happiness.

My soul feels withered, it feels torn.

The voices speak the whole day. The only thing that stops them are the voices of real time.
I need to be around people, or they will never stop.

They go yapping away, telling me things. Making me think. Every single thing that is said, or seen is analysed.

They never seem to tire. They say that I walk funny. They say that the person beside is staring.
They feed my mind with thoughts and opinions that I have no control over.

These are the ghosts from my past.

I'm going down in gloom like it used to be.

It feels like everybody hates me. It repeats over and over again.

Nobody can stand the person that I am. Anybody who gets close to me, eventually gets sick of me.

They get fed-up, they go distant, then they leave.

And I'm left picking up the pieces.

But the voices have no mercy on me, they continue to comment, they continue making me feel like an idiot. Nothing I do is right. Nothing I say is right.

I'm trying to get out of this hole that I have fallen into. I have not reached its depths and I do not wish to. I wish, somebody will help me.

I missed two weeks of church cos I overslept. The church was my only refuge.

All the mind processes are tiring me. I feel weak, lifeless and tired.

I wish they would stop talking. I need not their opinion.

I am useless.

My family's across the sea, I have done nothing for them. My aunt's sick in the hospital, and I am not there for her. I have done nothing for my ill sister.
I spend my days in gloom.

I feel small, I feel low. I just wanna leave it all, and go to a place where I can be alone and decay, and hopefully leave in a peaceful manner.

I cry everyday. It's not normal. I know that everything that's going on with me is not normal.

My mind has no rest. I see the circles around my eyes.

I may have slept for hours, but the moment I get up, the voices start , my head starts. I dont see an end to it.

I need help, but I'm not too sure who I can go too.

My wonderful friends who have been nothing but supportive are also getting tired, and I do not wish to trouble them. They can only support so much.

I can't go to my family as they need me to carry the burden.

Who am I going to go to?

I am not crazy, I really am not. I hope I'm not.

But I'm analyzing everything that's going on with me, it is not normal.

I don't wish to be dependent or desperate, but will someone help me?

The End Where I Begin

2011-02-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometimes your first scars won't ever fade away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive
and my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along

What don't kill a heart

Only makes it strong

It's the End where I
End where I
End where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away

Wishing you well

2011-01-30T16:10:00.003+08:00

I picked up my old phone, and I read some messages in it.

Time frame : jul-aug 2010.

I can't stop crying.

Why did I meet you?

i will never know why I fell in love with you.

You tried hard to help me move on. I think you felt my hurt, and you were trying to help me

I read those messages, I can feel your hurt

I can feel your pain

Sometimes you think I don't understand you, but I do.

In your mind, you think that I think you're a bad guy

Why do you think I fell for you?

Cos you have a good heart

I can still feel your pain

I sense your loneliness

I know your want of being with somebody, to be love, to give love.

xxx

I only want you to be happy

I honestly do

I'm sorry for the times in your life that things were hard and complicated.

I never meant it

The tears that fall from my eyes, they tell of the sincerity in myy wish for you to always be happy

I wish you will stop hurting inside

I hope you will find happiness

i can't give you the happiness you want

but I hope somebody will

I hope those Fridays when you drink your life out with alcohol in sadness will end

i hope your heart will stop aching

I hope you will be at peace

I will always pray that love, joy and happiness finds its way to you.

and

I hope I will stop crying, knowing that you are finally happy.

Day 5

2011-01-27T21:25:00.002+08:00

My mood's a little better today. Got some procedures done at work, which is fulfilling.

But still unhappy as ever

xxx

Call from a friend, she seems to be going through the same thing. A phase, maybe?

Life is not suppose to be THIS hard. It is just not suppose to be this hard.

I like my work, I don't like the fear.

I don't like the patronizing atiitude.

I don't mind the hours on an on call day, but the rest of the days: I want time to myself.

and the PAY SUCKS. At least, if I got paid for the hours I put in, I'd be happy.

xxx

Meera says we should open a restaurant. Maybe we should

xxx

if workwas the only problem, maybe I'd be able to handle it

but

I'm dealing with all the other issues.

A friend, a person I care so much for is going distant....Maybe it's for the better, maybe it needs some getting used to

Why do I fall in love with people who don't feel the same way.

It's sucky. It's humiliating and embarrassing.

But i've told myself. As long as he is happy. Always.

xxx

What do I really want to do?

Day 4

2011-01-26T21:08:00.004+08:00

When I was young I always used to be sad. And alone.

Was /is sadness inherited?

I didn't have the best childhood, but i t was ok.

I used to speak to my bag and school shoes. I told them, and the age of 8-9 years, I think, that, I am sad now but will be happy when I grow up.

Parents weren't at home, it was me , my rebelious brother and retarded sister. And the never ending house work.

So, yes I spoke to my bag and my school shoes. My school shoes had a mouth, you see, and it blabbered whenever I walked to school. Couldn't repair that one!

So now that I've grown up, am I happy?

Well the uni days of my grown up years were happy, at least the first two and a half years.

But

If I REALLY look back..there were similar days such as today where I am down, sad, and just sad. Yes, I said it twice.

So i have not really changed.

No progress.

Same old same old.

i used to sit in my room, stare out the window ask myself a million questions , cry, feel a lot of guilt, loneliness.

And it is STILL happening today.

xxx

A friend of mine seems a little distant. Yes we've had our history.

But I feel so detached.

it's weird.

One moment we're so close and just like that we aren't anymore.

Could I have done anything differently?
Could I have been a better friend?
Could I have been more understanding?

Maybe this is a beginning of a good thing? I mean, REALLY, who likes hanging around an emotional, irritating wreck?

I don't blame my friend.

xxx

Nischal, you're going back to when you were 12.

yes, the days now feel the same. Gloom and sadness.

When I felt that nobody cared

When aunties only wanted me around only because I was good with the cleaning and the baby sitting.

When we ran and hid in the room when the loansharks came knocking at the door.

When mummy was the only one working and the only one for us.

When I spent the whole day just talking to myself, cleaning and cleaning and cleaning.

Days I sat out the balcony waiting and waiting till night time for mummy to come back, for dinner, for some love. There were days I just fell asleep.

Why are the days feeling the same?

I don't like it.

Those days there was such gloom and misery. Fights, lack of money. Fear.
I don't know how else to explain that gloom.

I'm actually really scared.

People say you can control your emotions. I'm probably born without that ability.

Memories of years back..

I can't stand this gloom.

I can't hide under the bed.

I can't talk to the bag.

I cry again. Tonight.

xxxx

This is me , 26th January 2011.

I hope I will look back and learn.

I hope I will be around.

Day 2

2011-01-24T20:13:00.003+08:00

If anything ends, I hope these inscriptions will be an explanation.

My days are filled with ambiguity.

I feel like I don't have a reason.

I write this, in hopes that if I do come out of this someday, I will look back , read this, and pat myself on the back for being able to come out of this rut. And, so that I will understand that i need to go through the bad, to savour the good.

But if I don't make it, it's alright.

xx

My days , my days, are filled with ambiguity.

I drive. My legs are on the pedals, my hands on the wheel. It's auto mode. My mind is elsewhere, and my eyes, tearing.

I work. My body feels detached from my head (or brain, more to say.)

there's another being living in there. It tells me what to do. It says stuff, it speaks to me all day long. And I fight it. My thoughts branches. Many levels, many depths. Each on its own continues to speak, and they are all of different ideas and they all speak at the same time.

The chaos in my head, I cannot control. Each thought has a life of it's own and they are all arguing amongst themselves. It is noisy, and I have no control. No control what so ever.

I'm tired.

I go to sleep, in hopes for rest but they never tire. maybe, for a while they do, (while the subconscious takes over with my vivid adventurous and sometimes scary dreams) but just one wake, and all the living beings atop each segmented branches wake up as well and start processing thoughts, opinions, ideas and question that i have to rush to answer so that I can go back to sleep,

So that I can stop the palpitation

So that I can be at peace.

they don't stop.

Flight of ideas, frequent defenses. I'm fighting myself and I'm losing the battle.

No, I'm not crazy.

2011-01-23T18:53:00.008+08:00

How did I come to this?

For years and years, and you would think that you can progress, and grow..

Why have I not?

Why does my soul still feel empty? Why is my mind in a clutter? I see no clarity.

Things used to be different. I was the strong one, who could bear it all..or, was it just what I thought?

It feels different. Something is missing. Something doesn't seem right.

I don't belong here. I'm supposed to be elsewhere. Maybe doing the same thing, but elsewhere.

xxxx

How do you spend so much time with someone and then just break away

Time and again, it has been repeating. Just how much can I take? Will I one day be bitter and cold? Or, will there even be a 'one day' as time is passing and age is catching up.

I say I'm well beyond my age, but i guess I am wrong. Cause if I were, I'd deal with all of these better. I'd be smarter, I'd be stronger.

One cannot cry everyday. One can't tear at the second the thought of loneliness sets in. It's not normal, is it?

You try to wake up with a reason but by mid-day, you've forgotten the very reason and all you seem to want to do is run.

But I have ran. That didn't help.

xxxx

I'm sorry you had to meet a person like me, I'm sorry if I have caused you any pain.

Just so you know, I feel no better.

So long you are happy.

xxxx

I beg, I kneel and I pray.

i hope YOU are listening

This ain't no sappy story

2010-11-13T13:07:00.006+08:00

It seems, that it is that time again. I bring out the boxes, I pack my stuff and it’s time to leave.

Again.

And every time I move it’s also time to pack up the memories of the years gone by at the current station of the Life Railway. Before I board, I wish it was only material that I had to pack up, my faded tees and the only pair of shorts. But no, the recollections, some in boxes I will open, some in boxes I may open and some I hope I never open. But in boxes they will remain, stored haphazardly only to be structured later in nightmares to come.

But you, memories of you will be the strongest.

Containing them in a box in going to be pretty tough.

Your smile that you give, so rare, like the sight of the Irrawady dolphins in kuching – only if you’re lucky.

The effort you put in details, so annoying. Signing with the opposite. Ugh.

Those childish tantrums

The refusal to be kissed

Your discipline, an example.

The vacillating moods I never understood

The way you move your body and snap your fingers – oh so gaily-

I’ll miss the view of such striking contrast- the ugly beautiful – your skin; that sparkle

The chocolate scent that emanate from you sometimes overpowering – I’ll be reminded of you every time I crack a bar

The echoes of your voice when you sleep, yes, when you sleep – the days you were beside and the sleepless nights will always light up my dark nights soon when I’m alone

Those odd days when we kissed, we shared…. I’ll always, always, always miss. Of everything, that is one thing that when I think of, feels like a whisk of wind from my heart traveling up my body which condensates into little droplets that pool in my eyes – which speaks volumes of the depth of my feelings for you ~ every kiss, a meaning, an edict of my love;

Secrets.

But

I’m afraid.

Maybe I was confused and mislead like you said.

Just perhaps.

There’s a conflict between the psyche and crux.

I don’t know

There’ll be sad days and days I’ll miss you………………..

I’m boarding the train, and this box, I keep in my hands.

Love

2010-11-13T13:04:00.003+08:00

Love.

It beams through the greatest of wars and disasters. It is portrayed in the greatest of movies, cartoons. You hear it in songs; read it in books, magazines, billboards, shows….it is the essence of everything there is. And it is no wonder; it is the very same thing that shakes the very being of your soul. . So powerful, so enduring; yet carries the same potential to break you and shatter you down to your core.

Why do we fall in love? How do we fall in love? What makes you fall in love with somebody so much it creeps into you, crafts a sanctuary in the center of your living being where there’s this eternal fire, this light, this other living thing – with its own mind and beating heart - from the love that had blossomed?

Vulnerable.

I’m here, bare.

Happy .

Simple. Your smile, your laughter.

Gloom

The tear in your eye, the quiver in your voice.

Bliss

The sweetness of our kiss. It really is.

Altruistic

I am, with you.

Binding

The affection, the care.

Peculiar

Character contradiction.

Charming

The simplicity.

Love is Mother Nature’s bigger sister. It comes stronger than the greatest wind, it hits harder than the largest tsunami, it causes a stir bigger than any hurricane, erupts like the angriest volcano and destroys worst than the most dangerous of earthquakes.

And ironically in the midst of all that

Still make you feel so at peace.

Love.

Lend a helping hand

2007-06-17T02:06:00.001+08:00

World meet Rusty. Rusty meet world. Game.

Rusty is a little mongrel who laid sadly by the drain of a house with her other siblings and her slutty mum. Little did she know that she was going be saved from the ravages of street life : the random sex, the birth of a million puppies after another, and flees. Yes, fleas.

Rusty is fortunate to have been given a better life, a little princess kinda-life. She lives in an air conditioned room, has a cute little tee, and savours only the best - Pedigree Puppy Delights.

She now sits when ordered, shakes hand and fetches. She also mended the broken heart of a little boy. She brought joy to his life.

Taking her in was a huge responsibility; but it was worthwhile.

Immunisation only costs RM20*. Grooming only costs RM20*. Food only costs RM 24-Rm30** a month. Spaying only costs RM70*.

Many unfortunate dog's lives can be made better if we lend a hand. We can always neuter the canine and send them to SPCA for other dog lovers to adopt. Life on the streets isn't easy. Life is not worth living for them, and life is a terror for the folks' as their rubbish gets dragged away every night, leaving a mess in the mornings.

You can make a difference.

* in a government veterinary clinic
** varies with different brands

The End of A Wonderful Journey

2006-07-23T14:15:00.000+08:00

Tales of A Little Boy has come to an END

Well, many must be wondering why (or not) I haven’t been writing anything here. Just so you guys know, I have been in IMU Clinical School Seremban now for about 21 weeks, and that’s a pretty long time. I guess I have to say I sorta lost the passion to write for a while, despite all that have been happening so far.

Clinical school has been a great experience thus far. You feel so close, yet so far from becoming a doctor. Life here is COMPLETELY different as compared to Phase 1, for starters, Self Directed Learning has a whole new meaning when you are actually here in CSS(Clinical school Seremban).

Being here, it’s not about studying anymore. It’s all about applying. If you thought that all those interviews with simulated patients were going to be the same when you start practicing, well, hell you’re wrong. Never mind the fact that most of the patients here prefer to speak in their mother tongue (which is hardly English,), what’s most important is that it’s not all the same, it’s not all stereotypical. Every single patient (and I mean, EVERY SINGLE one of them) has a different way of presentation, and you have to deal with all them in a different manner too. No two patients can be dealt the same way. Trust me.

You enter the ward with expectations, to get a case for your Case Presentations, to get a patient for your case summaries and case reports, etc, but the patients are there, with their own set of expectations. Problem is, can you even fulfill half of what they are expecting? Most often than not: NO.

Having a strong foundation is of utmost importance. Having compassion is another. You walk around the wards, and you see how the doctors behave, the nurses, the relatives, THE SPECIALIST, and you wonder to yourself, you wonder, and you fear if one day, just one fine day, if you will become what you see today.

Hell no. That will only be a curse.

I think I would have spoken to about 100+ patients until today. Each and every one of them worry if they are actually going to die, despite having the mildest abdominal pain. Never mind them, what about the ones who are really gonna see the gates of heaven (or hell) very soon? How about the ones with the big C? You are there, clerking and happily noting all your physical findings while they worry every second if they will be able to see their children get married, if anyone will be there to take care of their kids once they are gone...if the child that left them once will come back to see them just once, just once…

Many broke into tears in front of me, leaving me dumbfounded; speechless; at that time you wish you could just do something to make them feel better at that moment of time, or just wished that they die and put their suffering to an end. All I can offer is a hug, a pat, sit there and just listen to them. Nevermind if I have to go for a class in 5 minutes, they probably need me more.

When months pass, and you get used to what actually happens in the ward, you start to question if you can really blame the doctors, nurses etc for being the way they are.

But no, I’m not going to succumb to that. Not going to succumb to the fact that we will all get all too numb with that that happens in the ward and just be the same as others.

Anyways, coming back to the real reason of this post, I decided to stop, as it feels pretentious. You tailor to your reader’s needs and wants. Maybe if you don’t write about the latest news commenting about it, you are lesser a debater, or just being the bimbo that you are. I guess a blog is there for you to express yourself, 100%, but it ain't the case here.

So, bubbye Tales of A Little Boy

By the way, to those who are heading to your clinicals soon, don’t be discouraged. Clinical school has so much to offer, no matter where you go. It’s a whole new experience, worthwhile, every single minute you spend here. Medicine, it’s just a great field to be in. Seriously.

Looking back at what I have written here, I realised that this blog holds great memories, that with my friends, my fellow debaters, the darker side of me (he he he) and much more. Good times.

Butterfly

2006-02-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

" I wait for the postman, to bring me a letter...
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better....." -Confessions of a Broken Heart, Lindsay Lohan

" Things change, people have to change with time. It's only normal" - MLHZ

" I guess, all good things must come to an end.." - JRJJ

I remember the days, the early morns that wouldn't start till I received your zany message. How a perky little message lit my day as it would any other day when you were around. All the lame jokes, they seemed smart, the distance our imagination would go when we exaggerate the 'happenings' around us, still leaves a smile on my face. Remember the times we ran for burgers? Such pigs!! Talking under the moonlit bench by the pool, boy, didn't that just take the worries away as the wind blew pass our face?The times we spent together were priceless, the laughter shared, with nothing I would trade. Do you still remember?

OR

Was change too much of something you have been thinking about it marred every single memory you once had?

You once made promises, but the mirror of the future ,they seem to have shatter right in front of my face as I innocently gaze at them, with love, yes, wih love.

You said you missed me, but you didn't show it one bit when I met you. Maybe I expected too much.
You said you'll be the same. Maybe I lived in an illusion.
I once never wanted to speak. You made me. Now, I wish I never said a word. Nothing about myself. -but I remember all you that you did-

The songs we listened to once, they still strike the same chord when it plays on MtV( remember? The dumb people's channel? Ha ha)
If you tell me what's bothering you, I really would listen. If you had something to say about myself that you don't fancy, I would have faced it. But the tone you used, that hurt me more that the words you spoke.

A walk by the beach wih you I wished, but not even close to me you were. Maybe , new friends you have found? I wouldn't know, now would I? The week passed with such agony, I was ignored, almost felt like I was not there, glad you had fun though.

You see, I never expect anything from anyone. Really I don't. But I'm only human, with a sensitive heart that not everyone has. It hurt, it still does.

" I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery..." -

Because of you , Kelly Clarkson

I enjoyed every single time we had. I had a butterfly, it once had spread its wings like it never had, it flew across borders, it left me with good thoughts, warm feeling , and love. Now i wonder if it will ever come back. I miss it. So much.

Another Excuse to Procrastinate

2006-02-20T17:15:00.000+08:00

Guess what? I'm still alive!

Darn, it's been ages since I last posted here...right now,i've just had dinner(lasagna) and well, it was kinda horrible....can you say "BLAND"??? Considering I havent posted a single entry in the past forever, i thought i'd just drop by and post something here...after all, vasan hasn't been posting as often as he used to anymore...consider this a favour i'm doing pro bono here, vasan! haha.. no, really, i'm just here 'cos i'm looking for an excuse to procrastinate.

where do i begin? classes have already started here since last monday...we're doing microbiology and immunology for sem 5....and i gotta say, they take their PBLs and practical labs very seriously...how serious? let's just say the end of semester exam has questions devoted entirely to PBLs and prac labs....i am under serious pressure!!...and i haaaaate pressure...don't they know i've had my fair share during MSK and NS?????????

on a somewhat brighter note, i'm so glad i received the original CPR certs and letter of good conduct this afternoon...my mom had sent it off last week and it was taking forever to get here (yours truly completely forgot to bring CPR cert along!). I honestly thought it was lost in the mail...i'd hate to take the CPR course again, 'cos they make you pay for it here...and it's conducted somewhere else outside uni....oh well, thankfully everything has arrived intact. Now i'm expecting a parcel to come along as well, containing my good old table lamp...yeah, i'm not used to the table lamp they provided here,'cos it's got a yellow globe bulb..it gets really hot after several minutes under it. If you were wondering why couldn't i just study in the library,it's because the uni lib closes at 6pm...apparently labour is expensive. Also, the biomed lib is closed till next week cos of faulty air conditioning..research for PBL has been tedious without any books handy..

everyone here has been really really nice so far..in uni, as well as here, in the college. Nevermind the fact that there's an issue here in Intl House that bothers me...i'm glad i got it off my chest last night to someone back home in m'sia...i actually felt much better today! But still, i haven't made any progress, thanks to my lack of guts (or the complete absence thereof).

and how i miss the heady imu days...all of a sudden, i'm millions of miles away from my comfort zone....no more:

lame jokes (*sob sob*)
laughing out loud
sharing "opinions" (wink!)
lying about National Coffee Day
imitating ChuWanLoy
toxoplasma-ing
pony-ing
diva-ing
bimbo-ing
pony sarcasm
general bellyaching
the occasional misunderstanding ( it was bound to happen anyway!)
more toxoplasma-ing...hehe!

Oh well, it was good while it lasted. And now is just the beginning of what I hope are bigger and better things to come!

Deep Thinking?

2006-01-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking

You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.
You should major in:

Philosophy

Music

Theology

Art

History

Foreign language

What Should You Major In?

That's funny, I did not get medicine!! Ha ha....

Chronicles of Vasan - The Dolphin, Hair, and the Hospital.

2006-01-25T13:26:00.000+08:00

In case you did not know, Im having a holiday. Nevermind that. Each and everyday for the past 3 weeks, heck, it's almost a month, I have been in and out of the hospital. But I'm not complaining. I think. =)

My aunt had been admitted for recurrent peritonitis. A little history, my aunt is chronic renal failure patient- had a transplant 8 years ago- failed about last year again- was on CAPD- peritonitis 4 times- So, after the forth time , it was crucial that The Tenchoff tube be removed and my aunty has to begin haemodialysis. Then again, she has to use the neck line ( which is dangerous, in fear of thrombosis), so the need to make an AVF ( arteriovenous fistula) using an artificial graft. Long story aside, she has been discharged, and will be on medication and follow up. You medic students out there (IMU) who are interested in this (rather interesting ) case, can e-mail me. Here, I would just like to thank all my dear Darling friends who have been praying and visiting, to name a few, sheen, Sheena's MUM, Anne, Daphne, Amelia, all you guys from CSS, and all the rest who have been supportive. Thanks!! It really helped!

Just two days before my aunt was discharged, My relative had to go to the same hospital. He was referred from another clinic. If I'm not wrong, he is suffering from Cervical spondylosis. I had a look at his MRI, he has an intervertebral prolapse at C5 C6, C4 C5 . The bulge at C5 C6 is quite, well, big, so its close to he spinal cord, which is causing radiculopathy. Just came back from the hospital, he will need a surgery in another couple of months, but not before they send him (and me) around the hospital to every department lining up for numbers to perform various test ( of which , some, I thank is totally irrelevant!). Anyways, things will be fine, that I'm sure.

So, what is it about the hospital that is tiring? It's the walking. lining up. waiting, and tolerating ill- attitudes of the people working there (well, not all of them!) . Most of the staff have been extremely nice to me ( esp ward 8TE, you guys rock!!).
Communication is really important. Some of the nurses and attendants (hell, doctors and medical students) just take it for granted that patients know everything. For example:

Nurse:" Ahh..you go there tomorrow first floor.."
Me: " By 'there' did you mean Menara Utama, Timur, Klinik or?????"
Nurse: " There la"
Me: Menara Utama?
Yes yes

What the??!!!

Nurse: " Go home and put the hot bag on"
Me: " By that, did you mean wrap a towel around it before putting it on?"
Nurse: giggles.." Ah, yes..."
I mean , come on, my grand dad has never used it, what if he just put the bag without wrapping it????

Next:
After waiting for a long long time, we were called in by a medical student who wanted to take history ( from my grandad). Boy, was he so repetitious. He kept asking the same questions, and did I mention his questions were all over the place? He was trying so hard to speak Bahasa, when all the time, my grandad could have conversed in English. Point here is not about how the medical student was. It was about how dis-concerned both the doc and med students were. They made my grandad stand, bend, this and that , took the MRI and he started teaching while my grandad was just seating there. Mind you, WE WERE WAITING LONG, and my grandad is really worried bout his health.

NOW, It's not wrong to teach, hell, I'm a medical student , I know.

The least they could have done ( esp the Dr.) was to tell my grandad to be patient, or maybe ask his permission before taking such a long time, which didn't benefit him at all. Worst, after all that , he did not explain what's going on until I had to ask him the relevant questions, probable follow ups, etc etc. Now imagine if this was just a quiet patient. The doctor left before I could get him, so I demanded that the medic student ( who had earlier examined him) to at least thank my grandad, assure him ,and apologize. Note, that I was polite and at no time arrogant when requesting that he does so.

The hair
My hair has been attracting ( too much ) attention. Just this morning, an elderly lady with red hair kept looking at it, I gave her a smile, to which she then asked how I got it done. Later, before she left, she asked if it was expensive. Then she briskly walked away saying she is gonna do it.
Other comments:
" Oi, tengok..orang Negro.."
" Wah...."
Look look stare stare... No end to it

Do I like the attention? What do you think? I'm used to it! I didn't need the hair..ha ha ha

Hello people!!

2006-01-24T13:28:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have been gone for a long long time,and just in case you are reading this,it is not really goona be a post,more like a tiny update.In between my busy-hospital-school-to-god knows what and where schedule,I am stealing an hour just to get my e-mail checked,and jot a little here. There is so much that I need to post,stories right down from 2005,(Yes people,its 2006!),so many people to mention,so many happenings,photos,etc.Just to let you guys know,I sorta have a new look,(that does not mean I actually look good) look out for the photos soon.TillI have the time, Take care....and Sem1's,good luck this Thursday,I am sure you guys did well.

A break

2005-11-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

My finals are in exactly four weeks. I am pretty much freaking out as I have tones to read, understand and not to forget apply in CSU. Have not been blogging lately, and I guess it will be as such for the next 4 -5 weeks. Because, even if I do post, it's gonna be all complains and whinning. So, people, keep em' thoughts coming and I will update soon. ( Maybe in December).

Just a little update on what went on over the weekend.....

Friday: Went to Steven's corner for supper when we decided to go to Starbucks Mont' Kiara, since it has WiFi and I really wanted some chocolate milk. Ben, Paul, Sheena and I were there, chit-chatting, Sheena was studying, Paul was surfing, Ben and I were just annoying each other. Mont' Kiara is a pretty nice place to just go have a good time chit-chatting. This lasted till 6.30am the next morning (Saturday) ..(read more). So, yup. Pretty much did not study at all

Saturday:- Had a few hours of sleep-went home- came back for church- had dinner at this restaurant in PJ, cos' its Daphne's last SFX youth mass for the year as she is going back to Sarawak next week. *Gonna miss you dear!!!* - watched desperate housewives - went to sleep

Sunday:- Got up laatteee - went for lunch with Ben , Paul, Mich, Nikki- studied a little- slept- dinner- went to Nikki's place for a game of RISK- got home- studied- sleep

Monday:- Got up knowing I spent my weekends well (ahem) , and currently suffering from tachycardia in anticipation of the Semester 5 End Of Semester!

Talk about a boring post. sigh

Eponymous Syndromes

2005-11-10T08:11:00.000+08:00

Speaking of guillain Barrè Syndrome, it is actually a syndrome under the category of "Eponymous Syndromes". Eponymous syndromes are diseases/syndromes that are named after the hero/heroin behind the scene. (As in the person who discovered it, or patient’s name etc.)

Some funny examples I thought I will share:

Alice in Wonderland Syndrome – There is disturbance of one’s view of oneself with or without fast forwarding of intraphysic time. Usually occurs in epilepsy, migraine or infectious mononucleosis… It is also known as Todd’s Syndrome.

Brown- Sequard syndrome – This is a CNS disorder, where a lesion in one half of the cod causes ipsilateral spastic paralysis and joint position sense loss below the lesion (as in hamisection).

Well, the name of the syndrome may be funny, but wait till you hear what this genius did. Way back in the year 1880, Brown Sequard declared that he had discovered the secret to perpetual youth after injecting himself with a concoction of testicular blood, seminal fluid and testicular extracts from freaking dogs and guinea pigs!!!!! Well, of course being at that time, some few thousand doctors tried the concoction on their patients. It is reported that 314 out of 405 cases of tabes (muscle wasting) improved, and Brown Sequard’s urinary flow rate improved by 25%. WOW. Turns out, endocrinologist never forgave him for his purposeless discovery.

As I awake..

2005-11-10T01:05:00.000+08:00

As I sit and write this, the racket being made by the semester 1s celebrating somebody’s birthday at the Vista C swimming pool transmits into my room. They are so loud, if I'm not wrong, I think it’s Jack’s birthday, whoever that person is. Burst of their laughter as how the burst of ACTH will occur causing peaks of cortisol levels in my blood right now (as I am way pass my bed time) brings back flashbacks of when I was in semester 1 ages ago… *thinks deeply about the fun times*

As compared to the others, I don’t think that semester one was the only time I had fun. I do agree that it was probably the best time, but, I had my fair share of fun during all semesters, even, yes, even semester 5. Trust me, you can actually have fun in semester 5, and of course there is a price to pay for that very same fun. (I’m feeling the pinch right now, and if I may add, this is one HARD pinch!). When you are in Sem 5, people think you are ½ doctor, but they expect you to know everything. They come around asking specific things, and clinical test that are of no relevance, and when I go huh? What’s that? They go like, “hey, you’re sem 5, you’re suppose to know”. Gee…*rolls eyes*. Ok, never mind the bitching..

At the Seremban Hospital today…

I met some of my Sem 9 seniors (boy, am I glad I made friends with Sem 5s when I was in Sem 1) and they are just so nice. Just questioned them about housing, life back there and all….Seems pretty ok…Also met some other younger seniors, grueling them to try to remember what came out for the sem 5 EOS, well, they did pretty much help. Meeting all of them made me feel less worried about going to Seremban next year. They are all (at least the ones I know) so nice, warm and fuzzy, and I know they will be there to help me then. Yay!! I will be a ‘junior’ again next year!!! It’s fun to be a junior, once in a while!! Yippie!! But then again, there are some of those seniors who have facial paralysis of some sort, because they can never, ever, smile or give you a kind gesture of acknowledgment. Or maybe they just had a bad day getting all pissed upon by the Senior Clinical lecturers there. Felix (clinical school student) just could not stop complaining about the lecturers and how they yell at you in the wards. *shiver*

But I know that wont happen to me =)

Then again, clinical school got me thinking about how would I really cope there. I never really had problems coping but, in the clinical school:

-I’m going to be standing for hours in the ward during ward teaching (sigh)
-Going to have to live through the weird hospital smell since I’m going to be taking multiple histories and performing physical examination in the wards
-Going to have to read up on so so so many stuff including the dreaded Pharmacology (yucks!) just to do well
-Gonna have to buck up on my Tamil and coerce Jenny and Kenneth to teach me Chinese
-Going to have great emotional turmoil when I see the really debilitated patients (like the malnourished boy I saw today) – this will be the hardest, handling my emotions!
-Run the possibility of being separated from my friends, since we will be assigned into different groups…
-And of course, live through all those sad, grumpy ol’ faces of the nurses, and the expressionless zombies ( the seniors who have no life).

Then again. Despite all this, I know I’m going to have so much (hard) fun next year… Night rounds, talking to patients, studying, autopsies, The New Starbucks in Seremban….- like I said, it’s not only in Semester 1 that you have fun....

Can’t wait!

Oh, before I forget, saw a rare case in the Hospital today, a case of Guillain Barre syndrome.. hmm….

On swimming Dolphins

2005-11-09T22:14:00.000+08:00

My definition of swimming is: the ability to keep oneself from drowning when placed in water.

Hence, I can swim.

Around here, when I am asked to join a group of friends for a swim jamboree, I run away. Unlike those macho people, I must say I don’t join them because:

-I am shy. Yes, I am SHY.
-It sounds like a bear falling into the river when it misses its catch of Salmon when I get into the pool

So, I just sit at the bench and watch them swim.

For reason number one, I will only get into a pool with a group of friends when I have the body of a MALE sex god. Ha ha. Meaning, I look like a potato now (Surprise! Surprise!)

For reason number 2, I need to learn how to swim silently and gracefully, like a merman or something. Has anyone seen Rassam swim? Gosh, he seriously is good. Well, he did use to swim across the sea to the island, like only EVERYDAY back in Kenya….

So, when these 2 problems are settled, I will be more than happy to join anyone for a swim. SPLASH!

People Sigh

2005-10-27T17:55:00.000+08:00

What do you do when people take you for granted?
Do you:

a) Just ignore the fact that they are doing so and continue being friends
b) Take then for granted to,since they took you for granted
c) wallow in the fact that they did/are doing such a thing and just be bitter
d) Tell them that they have been doing so, and that you are hurt
e) What the heck, I don't need them anyway!

Sometimes, people take things for granted, for example, the pleasures and comfort in life, when everything goes ok and has never been bad their entire life. When they take things like that for granted, it is up to them to eventually realize that they shouldn't do so and learn to appreciate life as it is.

BUT

When you take a HUMAN PERSON for granted, it's totally different. Emotions are at hand. If you would had read my blog long enough, you would already , clearly notice how particular I am with human emotions.
Taking one for granted might not be much of an issue to some people, that's because they are just content with exactly what they have and own (including friends). Little do they know that some day, the 'victim' will come to a realization that he/she was just another 'thing' in another person's life.
Question here is, why do people take other PEOPLE for granted? Is it just inherent? Do they not see what they are doing?
If there is one thing I learnt this year, it would have been that of not expecting anything for people. I learnt that it's not like the barter system where I give you care and hence you should give me care in return. It just isn't is. As cruel it may sound (and as hard as it hit me when I actually realized it)

Thing is here, I don't know where I'm heading with this post. All I can say is , one fine day , when you look back and you realize that that very same person isn't there when you need them the most, the very same person you took so much for granted, don't hate yourself fof it, don't be remorseful, because you should have thought about it earlier. Maybe all they wanted was a little time with you, a little walk with you , a little talk with you, but you dismissed them because it was not about you.

To you guys who are reading this:
- Try your best to not take anyone for granted, be it you friends, family (or lecturers!)
- Always remember that the person in front of you has the very same feeling as you do

Point is, just don't be hurtful :-)

Great balls

2005-10-25T10:19:00.000+08:00

Of late, the CSS (Catholic Student Society) have been a little sporty. Just a week before the Nervous System assessment, we played basketball, with the juniors, sem1 and sem3. It is just so exhilarating to spend your Friday nights playing basketball!! Especially when you have a height you can brag about (the fact on whether it is of use or not will be neglected right here!)

Yesterday, we went for a game of futsal. to tell you the truth, I'm not a fan of football. the last time I really played football was probably when I was 7 or 8 with my cousins, well, I had to play, or I'll just be left to rot...so might as well...I still remember being so excited about this back-ball- kick that I did when I was playing then..cool. then, of course, the other time I played football was during PJ (Pendidikan Jasmani) in school, when, again, I had no choice but to play or else. But, I just used to be the defender, standing by the goal post doing nothing.

Anyway, so I thought I will give futsal a try. Nevermind the fact that I had a group of people from CSS who were ever ready to start teasing my ball kicking capabilities yesterday. to a point, it seemed they were so excited to go for the game just to see me make a fool out of myself while playing...Geesh....

I guess I had a good time playing (I'm surprise , my stamina is outrageous!). I was bad at scoring goals, but I sure did a good job defending and 'stealing' the ball. Of course, at times, my instincts made me grab the ball using my hands, which of course is not allowed.

The best part was probably when I was shooting, aiming at getting that.... one...goal....and I scored!!!! ONLY because Jeremy let the ball go in the goal post on purpose! Then everyone started cheering,like I really made it,but in actual fact they were just mocking me..... it was such an insult!!!! They were having so much fun mocking me! Arrrrrrgghhh!!!!
Then again, the game was really fun. It felt good running after the ball, strategy and all....Of course, later we had Bak Ku Teh and I was extremely tired. We even decided to go for a swim at 1am...but I didn't make it. I guess I must have been sleeping.

Mental note: Tackle and shoot people who mock me
Just to state that I am still not a fan of football, but I wouldn't say the same for futsal though! ;-)

Disclaimer: I am in no way angry or unhappy with any of my friends of whom I played futsal with. However I understand that they are from another world and I hence, have to forgive their unworldly behaviour....muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

Juniors, Juniors.....

2005-10-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

The week that passed was pretty ok, having friends with me in the library where we studied together. CNS- they say it's the hardest system. I would probably say that it's just so much to understand, it's pretty complex, the brain, yeah, like duh! Anyways, now the System Courses are over. I have 6, yes, 6 weeks to the finals, that means choking on 9 systems + foundation into my thalamus for integration and storage. Sigh…. Hope I make the best out of these coming weeks.

This coming Monday will be the cutie little pies (yes, the juniors) first Summative. I see them studying day and night, complaining and whining over how they are gonna fail etc etc etc. Man, they study so much, it seems that they are the ones in SEMESTER 5! But these kids, this cutie little pies, they are just sooooooo adorable! The whole lot of them!

Reasons:

- They are full of enthusiasm

- They are just fun to be with

- Young and vibrant? nah....

- They are funny esp the 3 stooges (Chee liang, Gary, Teck Seng)

I’ve been hanging out with them (juniors) in the library, often have lunch with them, and all they can ever think about is their summative, summative, and summative. It got to a point where I just got sick of saying it’ll be ok, it’ll be fine! Thing is, I know these guys are going to do well, that’s why I don’t bug them about studying too much. However, I am worried about the ones who study so much, they run away from the scope of what they should know and then end up having trouble answering the simple basics during the exam. I’ve seen it happen. I always believed that if your BASICS are strong; it’ll all be fine. At least, here in IMU Phase 1. Then again, I am proud of these guys. I hope their ‘spirit’ and ‘determination’ doesn’t wane off just too soon, as this enthusiasm in studying (if it even is) will be of much help to them in the coming semesters. To all you cute little buddies, ALL THE BEST THIS MONDAY…. Attention to these specific people (in no particular order): Prasad, Chee Liang, Yee Sheong, Gary, Teck Seng, Hui Yin, Deborah, Paul, Ben, Kevin, Priya, Rasyidah, Sebastian, Jason, Joseph, Vincent…

I AM EXPECTING NOTHING LESS THAN AN A ;-)

Cos’ I’m sure you guys will (and the rest that I didn’t mention too!)

The 'Nerd' by Deborah

2005-10-20T15:30:00.000+08:00

There is this girl, Deborah. She’s young, vibrant, has the tendency to be loud and unfailingly funny at times. Has a monotonous facial expression, this girl, and is a blast to be out with. She stepped into IMU, discovered that she is allergic to exams (so she claims), and the only way to counter that is to join the rest in their quest of war against the exams by becoming a normal flora of the library. This is her story…of how she tries, with all her effort, to stay in the library, and how, she metamorphed into… a…. nerd.

“ Nerd”
By Deborah

To dream at night I was forbidden
To chance upon a dream at dawn
The guilty pleasure I had been stealing
O dark night draw neigh
For thy glorious splendor I vie
For wisdom is gained in the pleasure of the night
And knowledge unfortold illuminates like light
Midday I chance upon the library so fair
And warm its chairs the pleasure I bear
To make for a meal I eat but a pear
For the library in secret shall be my lair
So jest as you might about me warming the chair
But knowledge I still pursue with enthusiasm and flair
For in this soul lies unrest and despair
If knowledge is not found, for its gains we all share
Yet for this gain I would trade my hair
For the glory of knowledge none can compare
So long as these nostrils breathe in fresh air
So long as these eyes function without impair
A nerd I shall be and with courage I declare
For the soul of nerd resides in me there….

My take on it? I can never understand nerds. One doesn’t have to be a bookworm or ‘nerd’ to be a good medical student/doctor. Perseverance, a little smart hard work, it’ll all be fine. Then again, I guess different people work differently.

Your Say

2005-10-20T03:51:00.000+08:00

CHOICES OR EXPLOITATIONS?

What's eating James Parkinson (1817)

2005-10-13T02:50:00.000+08:00

Remember times when we go for long road rides and stopped at the rest and treat areas for a rest? We would slot that RM1 into the massaging chair and let those tiny spicules (if I may say), massage our tired aching body.

Now imagine those 'spicules' in your muscles, tugging and pulling away with no control of your conscious mind.
Now, that's Parkinson's for you.

Eversince I watched the video on Parkinson's during lecture the other day, I felt terrible and close to tears thinking about what these patients go through in every day of their life. The video was an eye-opener. It revealed the life of patients afflicted with this degenerative disease and how they lived through it. This man, Richard, spoke about how he deals with it. There were instances when his body shook so much that it disrupted his posture. He cannot walk as fast and speak as fast, as all his movements are slower than usual. He has no facial expression, almost like a mask. He couldn’t enjoy his sandwich sitting on a bench, because before long the muscle tremors and violent shaking will move him off his seat, and he loses his ability in holding the sandwich. He goes for a walk down town feeling refreshed, but not until the muscles of his lower limbs goes into periods of rigidity and spasms at the same time causing him to have an unusual and frightening gait, at least to the people around him, so much so, they run away at his sight.

All this muscle over activity is not the only thing that bothers him. He cannot work, cannot drive, and cannot enjoy life to the fullest. He no longer has closed friends, his social life is a standstill, and as the disease progresses, he becomes incontinent and only has his wife to clean up after him. He can’t have a good night sleep, due to the overt neuronal activity in the brain. Before long, all he will be is a demented, depressed, bradykinetic piece of living zombie, waiting for the day when all the agony will come to an end.

To all my non-medical readers…

Parkinson’s is a debilitating degenerative disease of unknown cause some of the theories include:
-Genetic susceptibility
-Environmental toxins
-Oxidative stress
-Accelerated aging.

What actually occurs is a degeneration of a dopamine producing cells in the brain that causes all the symptoms, i.e.:
-Stiffness (rigidity)
-Tremors
-Akinesia (slowing of movement- bradykinesia)
-Postural changes
-Speech problems

As the disease progresses, the symptoms further intensify, they suffer from memory loss, and may become incontinent.

Parkinson’s patients have these tremors as long as they sit still, which is why they need to move often to relieve the symptoms a little.

Treatment?
Current first line treatments are drugs that replenish the dopamine in the brain (levodopa). Bu this drug only treats the symptoms. There is NO cure for the disease, although recent advances and research have some form of curative treatment. One fine example will be Pallidotomy, where electrodes are inserted into the brain at affected areas to improve the motor system. This is not a CURE per se, but it relieves the symptoms more effectively. US have been doing this for quite some time. It is a pretty risky procedure, but I am proud to say that there is a surgeon in Malaysia practicing this form of treatment, and success rate is high.

At the end of the day, despite all the treatment, what really is important is the patient’s emotional status. These patients suffer from insurmountable depression due to discrimination (to a certain extent) and also due to high dependence on their carers. They feel useless. Good thing is, there are many Parkinson’s Society and Groups, where these patients meet, share their problems and try to regain that little light in life that they have shinning through making friends and the like. With this, they are able to live a somewhat normal life again.

BUT, there is one thing missing in the whole picture of management and treatment of Parkinson’s disease, which I have never found in any medical books or journals.

THE CARERS.

Yes, the carer. When a Doctor treats a patient, the patient needs to be looked as a whole. This is where families come into the picture. These carers, who are more often than not family members, suffer the same EMOTIONAL turmoil as those of the patients, by virtue of being carers. They:

-Do not get sufficient sleep, as they need to keep watch and clean up after the mess of their loved one
-Get their social life into a nutshell as they need to be with their loved one most of the time
-Have an extra burden, in the sense that if the patient was the breadwinner of the family before the disease
-Lack of support from other family members (or even patients themselves)
-Inability to cope with the cognitive disability of patients (forgetfulness, etc)

The list may go on and on. What is vital here is not just the doctor’s role in educating the carers about Parkinsonism, but how to deal with the consequences of it that affects them. These carers also need to be seen as patients, and they need to be given the help that they need in ensuring the best for the Parkinson’s patient in their family.
At the end of this, it is not to say that Parkinson’s patients are troublesome, but we need to see this disease as a disease that not only affects an individual, but every single part that has a connection with this individual, first being the carers. One will only know the courage one needs to be a carer when they experience it them selves.

**Parkinson's was discovered by James Parkinson, in the year 1817 **

Bad Day

2005-10-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Annoyed.

2005-10-12T15:02:00.000+08:00

I have a very high threshold for people who annoy and irritate me. Now, I'm not a person who easily gets mad at people, neither am I the type who tells people off or get angry unnecessarily.

BUT now I am.Just a few seconds ago , I was not. So here.

When the IMU Art Competition came about, there were CLEAR rules and regulations stated in the form that all you participants filled up before submitting your pieces. It would have been good to have read them clearly before you signed to have agree with all that has been stated.So:

1) When you send the picture at wrong sizes, that's NOT my fault. it's yours, because you couldn't freaking read!

2) When you lose or get a consolation, that's not because the JUDGES were bad, that was because there were better paintings than yours! Don't be such a freaking sore loser.

Even after being stated that IMU has the right to KEEP all submission, some people fail to understand. NOW THIS IS WHERE I GET PISSED.

3)IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE ADMINISTRATION, COME TO ME AND SPEAK TO ME! DON'T GO AROUND BITCHING. THAT WOULD NOT SOLVE ANYTHING!

I have clearly said WRITE a freaking letter if you want your pieces back. now, that is a simple rule!

Nevermind the fact that the organizing committee is spending huge amounts to have all the winning submissions framed and posted around IMU.

To those of you IN the committee who have a problem with me, be professional.

It's a shame, I am in a medical school where my peers should have the ability to behave and act professionally. Guess I was wrong. What's worst? Some of them are from Semester 5!

To all you people: I had enough of your rubbish. Have a problem? Face me. Don't be a freaking annoying brat! ********!

And1/2 of what is written here does not do justice to how angry i actually am right now!!

Life as it is

2005-10-12T02:43:00.000+08:00

Breakfast with myself,
Lunch with debaters,
Tea with Jenny and Kenneth,
Dinner with others,
Midnights with Jo,
Weekends at Daphne's
The others are all dreams.
Now I know where all the studying goes....
Boo-hoo

On having a 'family dinner'..........

2005-10-10T09:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was another night at Daphne’s place. It seems to be our common past time nowadays to hang out at Daphne’s. Due to my inability to study yesterday, Daphne suggested we have a cook out at night (one that we planned for quite some time already) provided the fact I study before hand. So I did.

At Daphne’s place there was not much to work with, as we didn’t want to go to carrefour at that time. But, Daphne had quite some good stuff at home. So Michelle, Amelia and our Filipino maid Daphne (ha ha) got to work helping me to prepare dinner that night. Of course, being the fussy pot that I am, I was scrutinizing every single thing they did right down to ensuring that Michelle ‘chopped’ the garlic well. Well, tough luck, I’m a fussy cook. Before long I started cooking, had Michelle help me out here and there while Daphne darling played songs on her laptop. It was fun. Jeremy was around, waiting eagerly till I finished cooking. So, after about an hour, the menu for dinner:

-Buttered Rice
-Spicy honey chicken
-Potato and beef ‘kicap’ (a.k.a Sweet momma potato & beef)
-Pak Choy with oyster sauce.
-Mango pudding with longan, for dessert.

Sounds good? It tastes even better!

So there we were, 5 of us around the already set dining table to have our dinner. It was so momentous. Living at vista, we hardly (or never) ever have a family –like dinner, and yesterday was once when we actually did. I felt so delighted just sitting there with my friends (whom I really love!!) having delicious home cooked food for dinner. The ambience was great. Aroma of the food, slow music playing on Daphne’s laptop…ahh..it couldn’t be better…Thanks guys!!

Sheena came along later, and to our surprise with her cooking for the day. She made macaroni and cheese (which is why she came later). We were all stuffed but couldn’t really resist the temptation the cheese held before us. And it was sumptuous!!
Later, we hung out in Daphne’s cozy little tribal room (like we always do), just chatting and living by the time…

It’s always great hanging out with you guys, Michelle, Amelia, Daphne, Sheena, Jeremy, and the times we spend together are priceless. All those sharing, praying, crap-talking and ‘general knowledge’ (the list just goes on and on and on) is so wonderful, I feel blessed to have spend my time with you guys..
Now, for the next cook out…he he he

Due to all the great time, some of us were suggesting that we should be housemates, to which responses:

Amelia & Vasan: We will never study
Daphne & Michelle: Yay!!!!!!
Jeremy: We will hate each other…. (me:…geesh…rolls eyes…)

2005-09-30T10:07:00.000+08:00

"fashionably sensitive but too cool to care"

Narcolepsy

2005-09-29T18:39:00.000+08:00

Narcolepsy, in very layman terms is defined as urges to sleep and inability to control that urge at odd hours of the day, i.e in the morning, afternoon, evening. It normally occurs after meals, when reading and the like. On a more clear definition:

What is Narcolepsy?
Narcolepsy is a chronic neurological disorder caused by the brain's inability to regulate sleep-wake cycles normally. At various times throughout the day, people with narcolepsy experience fleeting urges to sleep. If the urge becomes overwhelming, individuals will fall asleep for periods lasting from a few seconds to several minutes. In rare cases, some people may remain asleep for an hour or longer. In addition to excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS), three other major symptoms frequently characterize narcolepsy: cataplexy, or the sudden loss of voluntary muscle tone; vivid hallucinations during sleep onset or upon awakening; and brief episodes of total paralysis at the beginning or end of sleep. Narcolepsy is not definitively diagnosed in most patients until 10 to 15 years after the first symptoms appear. The cause of narcolepsy remains unknown. It is likely that narcolepsy involves multiple factors interacting to cause neurological dysfunction and sleep disturbances.

This is what I encounter during lectures.

The Nervous System is in the third week in progress. I'm still at the first lecture of the first week. Total bummer. I go for lectures, and the next thing I know, I'm falling asleep, scribbling some words here and there that I find might be useful. As much as I try to prevent myself from sleeping, I just fail miserably. So, to prevent embarrassing moments of falling forward, I just put my face on the table and GO TO SLEEP. The other day for CSU, despite not studying the Cranial Nerves before hand, I went to sleep in the briefing room when the video for cranial nerves was going on. I was sitting at the front row seat.

Nevermind that I am in sem 5 and I am suppose to have a hairstyle like Einstein's and dress like the guys in Chemical Romance. The juniors from Sem 1 come over to me and ask me why I look so relaxed. Little do they know that I actually have a defect with my Facial Cranial Nerve, i.e. CN7. Nevermind that I have about 9 weeks to EOS and hardly did any revision. I feel horrible.

The good thing is, I always feel that everything will be all right at the end. In this case, I have to MAKE SURE it will be all right tat the end of the day. It better be.

As I practice my clinical skills in the hospital , I realize that I have not forgotten the essentials, this means, I only have to be a little bit more disciplined and it will all be ok. Although, sometimes the thought of memorizing every single Pathophysiology, Rick factors, Sign & Symptoms for EVERY single disease is scary ( ahem: Prasad, familiar??).

I have been guiding some Sem 1s recently (academically and I find it rather useful spending some time teaching them. It helps me in a way. Hmmm.....

Anyway, unlike Adeline, who has an end goal in everything that she does, this post does not. It is just me , a grouch complaining about me, myself and I. So, this is not worth the time to read.

Panda's sexual escapades

2005-09-28T12:46:00.000+08:00

I love animals, I hold them close to my heart, and always stay in tune in what is occurring to them, extinction etc etc. Which is why I talk a lot about animals (as seen in my blog).

This is an excerpt from BBC today.....

Satellites to monitor panda sex

"Persuading pandas to breed can feel like hard work.Scientists in China plan to use satellites to track pandas to learn more about their sexual behaviour.
A Chinese-US project will use Global Positioning System (GPS) satellites to monitor panda movements in a reserve in remote Shaanxi province.
It is part of an attempt to understand the panda's poor breeding record.
"Tracking them with advanced technology and observing their sex activities might help us find ways to avoid their extinction," an official said.
Wei Fuwen, from the China Academy of Sciences' Institute of Zoology, said pandas living in the wild were inaccessible for long periods of time.
"Traditional observation cannot unravel the ecological mystery of the animals," he told the official Xinhua news agency.
China's scientists have come up with a series of more or less surprising ideas for improving panda reproduction, including showing them sex education videos.
Despite such efforts, the animal remains endangered.
China last year said there were an estimated 1,600 of the creatures left in the wild, 40% more than previous figures suggested.
A further 161 pandas were reported to be living in captivity. "

I am happy that scientists are doing all they can to help these Panda bears, but sex education videos??? That's hilarious!! Apparently, this sex film company produced 'porn' for the pandas in captivity in one of the zoos in China, and that female Panda is now 6 months pregnant. Wow. ;P

Musings.....

2005-09-23T10:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, as I walked out of Food Avenue, to my surprise, I met Bee Lee Ching!!! (a.k.a Leech). I was ecstatic. Thing is, leech is my old old old secondary school friend. Seeing her just reminded me of how fast the years has flown by......Still remember the days when we will be yapping the whole time in school and all the way home under the scorching sun just about everything and anything. And I still remember what a nag your grandma used to be and how you used to complain about your poor old grandma. Ha ha ha. Thing is, you are now a working adult (an accounts manager!! phoo-yoh!!) and I am still this school going giant (lovin' it!). Sigh. Leech, we grew so fast!! The immature days, all the 'im-not-talking -to-you' seasons and the dramas...boy, good ol' days. Anyways, will be looking forward to that dinner, to catch up .....

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It occurs to me that the rage over the whole semi finals of the NHSD has not subsided, call me histrionic, but hey, don't blame me, apparently, metrosexuals have an inherent histrionic attitude (but I'm not too happy about that...It's just occasional!). However, some of the lecturers who saw me around claimed that we did pretty well, and I guess, that's good enough for now. I shall officially drop my dissatisfaction now. Thanks , everyone who was there to support.

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Futsal girls of Sem 5.... you guys rock!!!!!!

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Backstreet boys new dumb ass music video.... does NOT rock!!!!

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On a more whinny note, PBL these days are such a drag. I used to be the enthusiastic PBL student before, always looking forward to it, because I always took it as a learning opportunity. Then again, nowadays, everyone is just so bored, sick and tired of it, that even I am starting to feel that way. Sigh.

***********************************************************************************

On a motivational note, i will be starting my NS studying regime today. Let's hope my actions speak louder than words. :P

Machiavellianism- NHSD 2005

2005-09-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

Machiavellianism – National Health Sciences Debate ‏2005

The NHSD is finally over. Sitting here in front of the computer, mentally and physically exhausted, I am unsure of how I am really feeling. But I’ll run through the 3 exciting days and this will definitely be a memorable tournament, hopefully not the last one.

Before I go on, it will be good to mention, that this year, I had a new teammate, Prasad Palani Velu from semester 1. Although I felt bad in the beginning that I was singled out from my senior friends, a few hours later that day during selection, I felt, it would not be too bad. My instincts somehow told me that I would be able to debate with this guy. He was somehow similar (with my amazing psychoanalytical capabilities, I’m never wrong) in attitude and character as me, so I though I’ll give it a shot. Days after that followed by me gruelling Prasad and just dictating notes after notes and arguments after arguments of what I have learned so far. We set arguments and cases, prepared rebuttals and even had our own one-to-one debates. Every single attempt to just make sure that the both of us were ready for the tournament. Although most of the training session we had was good, I must say there were awkward moments as we were BOTH somehow perturbed by our unfailing similarities in thoughts, words, action, and if I could add, history. Albeit I didn’t really take it too hard upon myself, I guess there were points when my junior here did. But never mind that.

Day 1
TH would support Malaysian’s Women rights to choose.
OG – SUT 1
OO – UiTM 2
CG - IMU 3
CO – UiTM T 1

The round was all right except for the fact we had an adjudicator who was clearly an idiot when it comes to adjudicating. He claims that I should not come out with a point since I was the whip (never mind I was the government whip,) and gave us third place. Then, he claimed that we spoke to loudly (ok, so Prasad was just a little itsy bitsy loud, SO WHAT?) and hence his decision. Idiot number 1. Then again, and I thought it was a blessing in disguise (later)

TH just loves playing doctor (humour round)
OG – IMU 3
OO – KYC
CG – UKM 3
CO – UiTM 4/5??

Being a humour round, I was a little shaky, plus I was still pissed over round one. P & I decided we will talk about sexual role-play and how playing doctors is the best. Little did we know the disaster that was coming our way. After setting our case, the opposition, having being caught off-guard started saying its not morally acceptable bla bla bla and the fact that he took about 200 P.O.Is wont hurt either. Then his second speaker just thought he would let the whole world know he was innocent, young, and that talking about sex is not in context of the debate. If that wasn’t so bad, the 1st speaker of the closing opp just came out rebutting everybody in the room (including his side!) and started his personal attacks on my side: he lashed at my tie, saying its like hell, then he asked the closing government why his accent was like hell too. Boy, the look on Reasad’s face (adjudicator) was scary. He was pisssed. Apparently, this speaker claims he is Muslim and that talking about sex is offensive. But later, by the 6th minute, he claims that French maid role-play is better than playing doctor. Idiot number 2. (Note: Never, never EVER comment harshly on VASAN’s tie or ANY of his belongings!). I won’t even attempt explaining what the opposition whip did. Oh, and we got the same crappy adjudicator (yes idiot no.1) in this room. And he claimed his dissatisfaction when he saw us. Thank God Reasad was chair! Oh, and another funny thing, when this girl from the government bench was giving her speech, the guys from KYC (yes, the innocent ones) kept standing up for P.O.Is, not until she went like “ Sit down, virgins!!”. Hilarious. Totally hilarious.
No brainer, IMU 3 won.

Day 2

TH would allow doctors to advertise on all facets of media.

OG - MMU1
OO - IIUMC 1
CG - IMU 3
CO – IMU 1

This room was a toughie, cos as you can see, all the team names end with a 1 except for ours, and it was bad that we had to oppose our own team. The debate was pretty good, I think P & I came up with a marvellous extension, the whole idea on Health Tourism. We were pretty weary, but we won this round. With due respect to YP and Ad, I must say, you guys put up a good fight. Funny thing is, we had, yes, the same adjudicator AGAIN!! (Yes, idiot number 1). Again, thank God, Pravin, the CA (Chief Adjudicator) was chair.

TH worries that globalisation is creating a Prozac nation.
OG – IIU G 1
OO – UiTM SA 1
CG – UKM 1
CO – IMU 3

If that room was a toughie, this room was hell. P & I were, yes, in the top room for that round, against all those people who eyed for the semis. IIU G 1 made a pretty wrong definition, they didn’t talk about Prozac at ALL, and we had to debate on Intellectual Property rights on AIDS drugs and its distribution to third world countries. P& I scrapped our plans 3 times before coming with our final extension on abuse and monopoly. Being in that room at that time, all I wanted to do was get 1st or 2nd so that we can get through finals. To our surprise, IMU 3 got 2nd, after UiTM 1, which brought us straight to the semi-finals.

Day 3
I never knew this day would come. IMU 3 was in the semi finals.

TH would deny organ transplant to substance abusers.

OG – IMU 3
OO – UKM 1
CG – IIUMC1
CO – MMU 1

We had a good case set up, we had a good fight. We had all our friends there to support. We had everything that could bring us to the finals. BUT, not until we had an adjudicator who believes that organ donors can decide who should receive their organs. Meet Idiot number 3. The idiotest of all idiots. Fact is, we lost this round, and MMU 1 and UKM 1 got to the finals to meet UiTM 2 and UM1. Crap, we were so close. But, as Pravin said, in his eyes, we were finalist. And that was something that made us feel better.

I’m not going to even talk about the finals, but it’s worth to note that UKM 1 won, and MMU 1 got last. That’s good enough.

The tournament turned out to be pretty good. Both for IMU as a whole, and for me as well. Looking back at it, I am happy that I was able to debate against some of the best Malaysian debaters, and have overall good rounds. Being one of the top ten best speakers wouldn’t be too bad to mention (Sheena was 3rd best speaker!! yay!!). What was more important is (and I mean it!) that I was able to spend time with my debater friends (in no particular order) Adeline, Sheena, Yee Pei, Hai Liang, Elena, Rahman, Alvin, Priya, Rasyidah and Yee Shiong, and must say, it has always been great, and we have really reached so far. (Though I must agree we have much more to catch up on!).

One thing for sure, it was the whole experience with my team mate (I thought this deserved a separate segment) Prasad Palani Velu. It was a great experience, the similarities worked to our benefit, and I must also thank you for portraying yourself well and doing your best in bringing us the wins that we got. (Now, don’t get all air-headed!)

At the end of the day, I still wonder why do I debate. Why do I put my academics aside just for debate? That needs a whole volume to explain. Probably not this time. Now it’s back to the NERVOUS SYSTEM. Damn it.

********photos will be up soon***********

Re- Emancipation of Dolphie

2005-09-14T11:51:00.000+08:00

The clouds gave way
To the sun
Beaming right down
Onto my face…

Morning glory blossoming
To the sound
Of chirpy finches
Rummaging through the air
To feed the sapling
That yearn their love and care

It’s almost sanctuary
Living in the precious memory
Life’s not a folly
It turns out to be

I’m happy
Back to where I am
Time will pass me by
But the glitter of today
Is enough to shine through
The unpredicted years

---Wonder world, I’m home.

-----------------Zero emotional investments? You bet!!-------------------

Walking away

2005-09-12T19:00:00.000+08:00

Like the gaze of Mona Lisa
You gave me an unwavering replica
Of all your thought
For me to swallow and sought

Like the wrath of a lioness
I battle through this brokenness
But I quiver at the loneliness
I’ll conceal, without you my precious.

I’ll still miss you
I’ll still need you
I’ll still be there
For you I swear

Cold

2005-09-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Like a withered flower
My soul is dying
The sun it had its hope on
Turned around and shadowed its dreams
Of living again
Perpetually alive

My soul is wretched
My core is wrecked
It fell to the deepest bottom
I can’t retrieve it
The fraught you caused
Why did you?

Like a bull at its final match
Dignity stripped and worth expunged
It’s likened to death
That’s how I am
At this time
At this hour

You caused me grave pain
Its immense, its unspeakable
My soul cries
My soul dies

Your altruistic nature
Turned into a fiasco
Who is to blame?
Maybe it’s just me

How can I go on?
My hopes shattered
When you took
The little that I had
Merciless, ruthless

The flower that once blossomed
Envisaged the worst
It is now lifeless
It will never be the same

But it dies to give another life………

*************************************************************************
------I walked a mile ---------
------Just to see you smile -------
------But then -----------
------You hurt me, and you hurt me when, -

------The love that abounds shall set me free------ -
B

To A Special Friend

2005-09-10T10:28:00.000+08:00

To a special friend:

We mirror each other,
So much we don’t bother
Why are we so close yet so far?
As clichéd as it may appear?

You’re hiding something from me
Tell me when you’re gonna reveal
All that bothers you
All that worries you

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your face
All those silent cries
Can't see the end of the race

You look strong outset
Life is weak, I bet
Don’t give up just yet
It’s as good as it gets

Listen my friend

Life is not Shakespeare
Don’t expect it to be
Stop living a lie
One that you can’t abide by

My dear friend

I love you,
I really do,
Look at me,
What do you see?

I shall wait, wait for you
One day you’ll unearth a part of you
That’s been missing all this time
And realize that it was I all the while

M-16 and NS

2005-09-09T00:01:00.000+08:00

No, I'm not talking about the Nervous System.

Recently, the Defence Minister added new program to the National Service. Handling of M-16s. My question is, is it really that relevant for young school leavers to actually learn how to handle a M-16, although if it is on a voluntary basis? The goverment says the reason is to instill discipline. Is it me, or can anyone see how handling of a gun can make one disciplined? I suppose that is why policemen (who are trained in handling guns) in New Orleans recently just took the oppurtunity to rape and murder tpeople as they please, and I suppose the soldiers were so disciplined in the Gaza strip when they just shot at teenagers and innocent beings who they claimed tresspassed the borders. As far as I am concerned, guns and rifles remind me of war. And war results in death and it has no affiliation with love whatsoever. It is love that unites all , and guns are the sole inhibitory factor. Our young and innocent youth need to be thought love and how to handle themselves, not handle a gun. They should be thought multiculturism and how to grow in prospects of a growing world. Really, be it voluntary or not, the trainees should not, and should never, ever be taught to handle a gun.

UiTm Vice Chancellor Cup

2005-09-07T19:03:00.000+08:00

This being my first time adjudicating in a tournament, I must say it was a good experience. I almost felt that adjudicating is far better than debating itself; but, nah, I think debating is always better. This is because when you adjudicate, and you get a team that doesn’t know what the heck they are saying, you just feel like standing up & giving them a P.O.I., which you cannot do when you are an adjudicator. Having an AIDA 1 is pretty good; I need to sit for another adjudicating test soon to go up a level. Oh, and I almost forgot, I chaired most of the preliminary rounds and had a chance to adjudicate for the semis & finals, too. Being ‘hakim jemputan’, Sharma gave Sheena & I the honor to choose a motion for the prelim. Of, course, being the medical students that we are, we agreed on the motion: “ THBT substance abusers should not be entitled to organ transplant”. Which is where the whole story starts.
As round 5 began, I dreaded the facts that I am going to get from the novices. The Opening Government set a mechanism, stating all drug abuser cannot get a transplant but can do so after the 3rd screening. They also claimed that cocaine and heroin causes cerebral haemorrhage and hence, should not be transplanted. The brain.
Then, later, comes the genius 2nd speaker of the Opening opposition who just brought them clearly to the last place. To quote:
“ Drug abusers are humans too. Although they take drugs, their heart is neutral. Just say for example, a guy was stabbed in the heart, and taken to the hospital. The doctor in duty won’t have fresh hearts to transplant into this patient who got stabbed in the heart. So he is going to have to take the heart of the drug abusers to transplant. Then, once in the patient, the heart will become neutral and the patient can live”
This is a total deviation from the motion and I found it so hilarious. I’m sure the drug abuser will be so happy that he donated his one and only heart for another patient…Nobel…

Anyway, bitching aside, I think the tournament was ok. I took note of some newbies whom I debated with before, and it occurred to me that these debaters really grew, and can be lethal. We, IMU debaters so need to train!!!

This was suppose to be up ages ago..

2005-09-05T23:12:00.000+08:00

It’s 3.30am and I’m about to go to sleep. Just came back after having a long lengthy chat with J & JE. It’s been such a long time since we just went out to have some time to ourselves. This day was a day I was desperately looking forward to, the end of the first half of Semester 4; although Renal assessment didn’t go so well today. If only I read more…
Anyway, speaking to J & JE about their ‘man’ was exciting. After such a long time, JE finally likes someone…ha ha.and as for J, it’s a wonder whether her heart is going to be broken again; but I do think it’s going to make her a stronger person. I do believe that her Mr. Right will come soon, very, very soon. Like I said to her, maybe when we are no longer seniors in Seremban.
Love is such a sweet thing. But it could also have its bitter aftertaste. Or more likely, sometimes, it’s bitter all the way. Why do people fall in love? Is it truly love? How can they say that they have fallen in love when they have only seen the person once? Does ‘love at first sight’ really exist? If it does, will it ever work, or more importantly, last?
When you love someone, you know that that person is all you ever want, ever need. He/she will be the one who will blow your fears away, lift you off your feet and make you feel significant. But does it in truth happen?
You try immensely to make the person reciprocate your actions and feelings towards him, only to realize that he does not; but yet you wait in hope ‘maybe there is still a chance’. This was what I was talking to J about. I told her to just be brave and tell SSKB that she loves him, for she really does, but is she brave enough? Is he mature enough? Whatever it will be, I told J that she could be sure of a definite answer no matter what it may be. She can then move on.
I spent many hours every year with people with love dilemmas. I have had twins vying for the same girl, best friends breaking up because of a guy, couples where the guy is just all about sex and to list every thing down will need volumes of books. It’s quite interesting, what makes this people continue o fall in love…is love really all that strong?
What’s going to happen to J remains an enigma, at least for now. I’ll just hope for the best.
Here are some tips for new-age girls:
1) If you like a guy, get close enough to him to ensure that he is really what you think he is. If you are just plain desperate, forget tip (1)
2) When you think he is the one, make a move, seriously, why not? All the more if he’s the shy type. But if you think he’s going to do the confession, wait.
3) Don’t be so pushy. And don’t let him be that way too. Because when he is, you know what he really wants (and that’s not good, unless that is what YOU want!).
4) Check his history out a bit. If he had just finish running after 3 girls in a row within 3 months (and failed miserably) and now is trying to hit on you, take note. You don’t want to be just-another-girl.
5) Forgive his excuses. Sometimes men just need the time to think. But if the excuses go to far, well girl, $%@* him.

The Beginning of an End

2005-09-02T16:37:00.000+08:00

And who said the Musculoskeletal System was hard????

Days before the exam I walked around nonchalantly claiming that MS is a piece of cake, and everyone will pull through, and I have my extra-orientation-activity to prove that very fact.

Turns out, the MS paper was not too hard, it required basics, which I am sure everyone in my batch has at the tip of their fingers. However, yours truly managed to make stupid mistakes, here and there, and am quite bitter about it right now. Then again, considering the fact that I spent 4 out of 5 of the Musculoskeletal System weeks going out and chit-chatting and just utterly wasting my time, there's not much to expect. Now, I just hope I pass, and I have to begin my tumultuous journey of studying for the feared (and revered) End of Semester Exams. God help me.

By the way, this is the first ever exam where I had the time cut short during the exam. An exam for an hour and 45 minutes was just cut short somewhere during the examination. Huh.

Now, off to Peacehaven, Genting, for The Intercollege Catholic Student Society Camp.......

The Piano Man

2005-08-24T14:57:00.000+08:00

They finally found out the real identity of the piano man. I feel sad for this guy. I feel even sad that subtle discrimination still occurs. Against sexuality.

When 'The Piano Man' was found on the beach with his 3 piece, people wondered if he was a Czech concert pianist, Norwegian student, etc etc. They thought his ability to play the piano was remarkable, although he was mute and seem a little mentality unsound.

So, this is the scenario:

Previously:
Men found on beach-taken to hospital-only played piano-amazingly well-did not speak for 19 weeks-international search
Media’s attitude: AMAZED

Now:
After 19 weeks:

Nurse: So, are you ready to talk?
Piano man: Yeah, I guess so (Surprise! Surprise!)

Turns out,
Piano man is a GAY German national who actually attempted suicide.

Media’s attitude: Appalled, as told by news:
“Hoax/Fraud: Piano man is GAY, and attempted suicide. …Hospital reports that piano man did NOT really play beautiful music, he just sat by the piano tapping the keys”

Excuse me, but is this not RIDICULOUS? First, you applaud his amazing talent, later you say that he was just ‘tapping’ on the piano. Seriously, I do not think this guy wanted all that attention, you know. You (media) created propaganda, now just made him look like a fool.

My guess is: Utter DISCRIMINATION.

My other guess: That this guy will try to kill himself again.

Good news is: Piano man finally spoke, is on his way to Germany and is safe (for now)-Thank God he is not Malaysian.

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Stronger

2005-08-24T01:31:00.000+08:00

You used to be my angel
My one and only sentinel
Just with you I could cuddle
My precious last living model

But things have changed now
I wonder why I wonder how
Why do you bow?
To the torture that he sow?!

Time passes by,
I feel so distant, oh my!
Am I now a different boy
Oh I wish it was as your ploy

Never thought it will be this way,
I guess sometimes people do sway
What they believed they knew, they say
But what comes, is not till that day.

It seems like it was all a fib,
The soul lived behind the broken rib
It waited for time to make a trip
To what is now all a sunken ship

When I think of you, I cry
Through this pride I want to pry
As much as I can I will try
To grow and live like a rye

Till then forgive your seed
For he knows not his deeds
He will learn indeed
And make it all succeed……..

The ONE

2005-08-19T12:35:00.000+08:00

It's Friday. I have noting to say, other than it's a pretty good day.It's something like when you're at a bay.

The week passed so fast, nothing I can recall that which comes to past. The doubts that I cast, may never come revealed, at last, it did, and now it is all a blast!

The haze came and it is now gone, nothing can beat the sun that shone, I tell myself I am not going to be alone.

Come forth and besiege me, the one that I always wanted to see, it will all be like it used to be, just me, and my life -loving spree.

Gone are the days when wrath and idle, ruled and took me deep-untitled, but, they say the road of life constantly comes upon a puddle?

As for now I need to make a swerve, hoping it will be what I deserve, because there is one I need to serve, and it's not me, not this universe,

and,

I would not mention in this verse.

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Better days

2005-08-13T16:15:00.000+08:00

Oh boy , oh boy , oh boy, I got up this morning and I saw the sky! The sun!! Woo hoo! It felt great. God has been sooooo kind to me..like I was saying in my previous post, this haze brought fear unto me, and I was just asking God to give me a glimpse of sunshine , and that'll make me feel just fine, and my dear LORD did just that.It may be trivial to some people, but to me, this is something I appreciate and take pleasure in. As for the reason on why haze brought me nothing but fear, I still do not know. Now, there's no question why I am , actually, a monstrous little boy, huh?

On other issues...

The weeks that passed saw it being plagued with many APs....Funny, ain't it?

First, it was the Approved Permit issue, then came Ayah Pin with Sky Kingdom, now now its the awful haze with its high APIs (Air Pollution Index).

I was busy complaining that Indonesia should be doing something about this whole slash and burn activity or at least try to do something in ensuring the fire doesn't spread that much. But, now, I am not as angry at them, but ashamed that the culprit behind the slash and burn activity back there was done by two MALAYSIAN companies. Yes, MALAYSIAN palm plantation companies. I hope the Indonesian goverment will hand over the case to Malaysia so that they will be tried under the Malaysian law. As for Indonesia, I do not understand why they are refusing to attain help from Malaysian forces i.e Malaysian firemen although they have a shortage of workmen. I mean, come on, putting of a forest fire using BUCKETS of water? Get real, people!

7 people died, and the cause could possibly be due to the haze. So, we get this haze year in and year out, is the INDONESIAN GOVERMENT going to do anything to curb this problem from re-occuring? Are the ASEAN members going to push for Indonesia to sign that treaty soon? I don't know. But this issue has to be taken seriously. It's about time we wake up and not let corruption and ill-standing laws 'haze' away the future. It all has to start somewhere.

Sunshine

2005-08-12T15:37:00.000+08:00

As I open my eyes this morning to the sombre mood of the atmosphere outside, I sigh in distress in thought of the day that I have no choice but to face. The haze has won its battle over me. I give up. There is no use fighting it no longer. I will try my best to live with it for the next month.

So my day starts with guilt as I missed PBL and the formative assessment.....I put on my surgical mask to take the toughest terrain, beating the foggy surrounding with its particles of lethal molecules embedded and confined deep within it ready to victimize every single fresh pulmonary unit....To the Sri Petaling POST OFFICE. I bet my luck on the contest this time around, hoping I'll get something in return..God willing.

Later.....

Still with the sombre mood the haze set on me, I walk out of the PBL room after a good enriching session of Bible Study of the Catholic Students' Society discussing about our priorities. Clearly, my priorities are all over the place, and it's about time I set it straight and leave it all up to my Lord, my saviour.

As I took my huge steps out, I spot a ray of sunshine shining right down to the atrium...Could it be true? Is it really it? I ran to the roof top to set my curiosity free...and there it was, at the expense of my sensitive sclera and retina, the SUN beaming its beautiful rays on me, telling me it will all be alright. My days of depressed mood and the unwavering fear the haze instilled upon me just vanished right before the light, the very thing I was anticipating eversince this clan of hovering evil entrapped me in my very own world, my place, my home. It brought me great joy. I have never been so happy to see the sun in my whole life. The haze is still around, but today, the sun is visible. The building can still be seen. Maybe about 5km visibility. I feel safe. Thank you Lord.

It may be weird, but the haze brought more than just respiratory distress unto me. For no given reason, I was afraid. Don't ask me why , but I was. After all, it was only haze, but why did I fear? Why do I seek to get back home and just be with my family? I am puzzled. I am learning things about myself I never knew or came across before. I am 21, and already suppose to figure myself out, or is there still time for self discovery? I am unsure. For all I know now is that this haze has to go. My bones, muscles and joints need all the attention it can get right now. This assessment has to be scored well by me, before I live to a retreat with the Catholic students in Peacehaven.

So, musculoskeletal, here I come!!

Adeline, you're old.

2005-08-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

A happy wish...

Although she is thin,

She can make you spin,

A joy to talk to- may be a sin

Being with her, its always a 'win',

But on her I know I can always lean,

Almost like a next-of-kin,this is my precious friend,

Adeline.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Burning

2005-08-11T15:22:00.000+08:00

The mucociliary escalator 'device' in my throat is getting tired. My alveoli are probably coated with dust and the Type 1 alveolar cells must be working pretty hard right now, not to forget that my erythrocytes must b e carrying more Carbon monoxide that oxygen, since it has a higher affinity for the former. My nasal septum is inflamed. I feel tired, the air around me stinks and I just cannot push myself to study cos' it's damn bloody foggy even in the library.
I guess the haze is at its worst today (I am hoping it would not get worst than this!), and I just feel suffocated. I ran from outside to IMU, then to the library , then dashed to the PBL rooms, now in the MMS. It is the same everywhere (like duh!). I wanna go away!!! Arggh this shows how pampered we all are (or I am,) cos I cannot even handle a haze. It is just so disruptive! I cannot do anything...I feel depressed!!! God, please send us down some rain....As it is, the haze is bad, and, they say that the dam is running out of water in Klang Valley, I do not want to endure another water -rationing episode like it happened in 1998!!! Send us some rain!! =(

Nevermind the fact that Indonesia is not trying its best to curb this problem, i hope Malaysia's 'proactive' plans will work.......

Oh, and I am literally blind because my specs broke this morning. The new one. I broke my specs around this time last year too. Arrgghh

And the Animal that represents me is...

2005-08-05T12:34:00.000+08:00

As I stated in my previous post, I sometimes (actually, all the time) relate people with specific animals because of the resemblance, or sometimes just coincidental that the fact that they look like that specified animal. The thing to remember here is I only feel that you represent that animal, so, please take NO offence, if you think I am saying that you LOOK like an animal. To me all animals are cute and special in their own way.So, here, on Elena's request is a number of animals that I feel represent some of my friends (here in uni). Please, again. take no offence. If you have any opinions or if you feel that you represent a different animal, leave a comment!! =)

In no particular order:

Zosimo Ken: Marmoset
Jo En: Tortoise
Jenny: Cat
Sarah IK: Dwarf Lemur (they are sooo cute!!)
Yvonne: Sea Urchin
Sheena: Eagle
CK: Tomato frog ( they live in Madagascar)
Adeline Gong: An Eaglet
Elena: Hamster
Richard: Guinea pig
Jeremy:Koala Bear

Phang: Polar Bear

Kenneth: Squirrel

Siva: Salamander

Kasemsuk:Chameleon

Jan Hoong: Giraffe..

Lalitha: Pygmy Elephant

Sook yee: Nightingale

Gabriel: Farm Owl

Ernie: Weasel

Audrey: Peacock

Ken Lin: Cheetah

Cannot rememberthe rest...will add on if I do..

Latest Addition (thx to my memory!)

Raj : Grizzly bear

Michelle: Butterfly

Yee Pei: Red Panda (unique, cute animals!!)

Peter : Church mouse

The Pink Amazonian River Dolphins

2005-08-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

Ever since I heard about the Amazonian Pink River Dolphins (I can't remember when), I was amazed that such unique creatures are still alive and living in our planet earth. Dolphins amuse me. They always have. I, on the other hand, also have a habit of categorizing or labeling people that I meet as certain specified animals, apart from my psychoanalytical behaviour. As for me, I always thought I am a Pink Amazonian River Dolphin. Here is a short info on this wonderful amazing creature. Have fun reading. Click on link above for more info.

Of the five freshwater species of dolphins in the world, the pink Amazon River dolphin, Inia geoffrensis, or "bufeo colorado" as they are known in Peru and "botos" as they known in in Brazil, are considered to be the most intelligent.

These friendly, sensitive, mammals with a brain capacity 40% larger than that of humans, who have lived in harmony with the people of the Amazon and its tributaries for centuries, now face extinction in some tributaries. What was considered to be one of the least threatened species of dolphins 20 years ago, has now become one of the most endangered species due to the accelerated and commercialized rape of the Amazon basin and the destruction of the South American tropical rainforest.

No one knows the actual number of Inia geoffrensis that live n the Amazon basin, but according to the reseach and studies that Roxanne Kremer has conducted in the Upper Basin of the Peruvian Rainforest, 150 kilometers upstream of Iquitos, Peru, the number of pink dolphins from 18 years ago has risen from eight pink dolphins on the Yarapa River to 35 to 45. Ms. Kremer counted the dolphins in July 1998. ISPTR believes that her work with the Peruvian Forest Police to protection both species of river dolphins, and empowering the local peoples of their rights and use of the law, there has been less illegal commercial fishing and logging in the area, thus saving the natural habitat of the land and aquatic life.

The struggle to save these treasured beings as an important link in an ecosystem -- currently being encroached upon by industrialized forces -- is being spear-headed by the non-profit International Society for the Preservation of the Tropical Rainforest (ISPTR), whose first globally known project PARD, the Preservation of the Amazonian River Dolphin.

Pink Dolphin Physical Description

Size: 2.5 to 3 meters (8.25 ft to 9.75 ft) and 90 kilograms (200 lbs.). Males are generally larger.

Habitat and Distribution: Tributaries and main rivers of the Orinoco River systems of South America. They tend to gather at confluences of rivers.

Diet: Crustaceans, catfish and small fresh water fish. A unique characteristic of Inia geoffrensis is the unfused vertebrae in its neck, which allows for the 180-degree head turn, giving them greater flexibility in floodplain forests, grassland, tributaries and shallow waters. They have a hump on their back instead of a dorsal fin.

Coloration: The reasons for the unique coloration of Inia geoffrensis are poorly understood, but the presence of capillaries near the surface of the skin probably accounts for much of its characteristic pink flush. Other factors may include age of the animal, chemical disposition of the water (especially iron content), and the temperature of the water

Intelligence: The intelligence of Amazon River dolphins has not been extensively tested. Their encephalization quotient (the ratio of brain mass to body weight) compares favorably with that of the bottlenose dolphin (Tursiops). The gray dolphins tend to be more "cautious" than the pink dolphins, perhaps because of their small size and very delicate skin. On the other hand, Inia is known for its highly developed sense of curiousity and it rapidly associates with man in a variety of serious and playful ways.

Dolphins and People: Given that these animals are threatened with extinction in certain tributaries, we do not actively seek or encourage overtly "friendly" contact with the Amazon River dolphins. Their chances of survival are greatly enhanced if they remain suspicious of human beings and maintain a certain distance.

Contrary to popular opinion, all dolphins are capable of behaving agressively toward human beings at certain times and under certain conditions. There are a number of reports of pink dolphins pushing people to the shore after their canoes had capsized. The dolphins figure prominently in the local mythology and their reputation varies from one tributary to another. In some locations, the pink dolphins are considered as unpredictable brujos (wizards), and, in other locations, they are benign and helpful semi-divine beings.

A mother dolphin with baby

So, Ken, Jo En, Sheena, Sarah , Yvonne and the rest..... I hope I enlightened you with my little epistle here =)

When reality sets in,it hurts.

2005-08-01T12:57:00.000+08:00

As I wake to the slowly- dying sound of my alarm clock, indicating that it needs a battery change and the awfully loud voice of my housemate shouting from outside my curtainless room wondering if I am going for the briefing this morning made me realise that reality has just set in: Semester 5 has begun.

Getting to lecture late and having a Prof tell me about Sem5 and how I have to look at a patient as a whole and not a disease, with utterly lame jokes in between is not quite a way to begin the morning. If that was not bad enough, we had a briefing on what we are up for the next few (5, to be exact) weeks. The briefing (and my colleagues studying in the library) has made me realize that I have to start TODAY. Start studying and get my priority all set TODAY. It is sad, but I am looking forward for many productive weeks actually, i.e. I want to do well, and I HAVE to, and to do so I have to STUDY. Maybe MS (musculoskeletal) and NS (Nervous System) isn’t all that bad (yeah, I’m kidding myself!). With help from GOD and a little bit of determination and hard work I should be able to do fine.

With 4 lectures a day on some days and the hundreds of muscle I will later have to remember (with the bones and joints) plus revising my previous systems all at the same time, I wonder how I am ever gonna survive. Esp. after a 2 month (sort of) break. I’ll think positively. Let’s hope it works.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pathetic stories aside, it was wonderful to finally see some of my friends and catch up after quite a while. It’s good to know that my dear friend Jer had a great time back home at Sabah with his family and friends. It’s also great to know that K spend his time shopping and Moggy spent her time relaxing and making herself look good after a horrendous ordeal back here in IMU. Chatting up with everyone just feels fantastic. The catch up session that I had with Jer in the library couch (in front of the TV that is mute) turned in to a conference with TortoiseJ enticing everyone to join her for the Wild Zebra show, Sh and Ken with Y all together talking about just everything. We went a little far as I think we were laughing out a little too loud in the library…before long we had the librarian coming up to me saying:
“Give me your tag”
“Huh?”
“Give me your tag!”
“Why?” (While S slowly takes her tag off)
“Because you were all talking”
“Oh...I thought this was the discussion area” (Lame, but hey, I had to have a comeback!)
“The discussion room is downstairs. Give me your tag!”
S: “That’s ok we will go down now. Sorry.”
Librarian walks away as the 6 of us embarrassingly walk towards the e-lab.

What the??!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So it starts. Hello Semester 5, bye-bye Semester four. More like, Hello hell, bye bye heaven. So much for confession.

P.D

2005-07-31T00:30:00.000+08:00

Holding my breath, I slowly submerge into the unknown, the dark, the mystical of what I interpret as sheer quietness…..The serenity of floating ironically deep down, the tympanic membrane holding as much pressure as it can as the lung works its way in transporting the remaining oxygen to the very last cell of my wrinkled body; meticulously but yet slowly……..

Until the huge wave just threw me closer to the shore!!! WOOO HOOO!! Going to Port Dickson during the months of July to October is fantastic! Other wise known as the ‘musim tengkujuh’, it is definitely the BEST time to be at P.D, despite all the claims of it being dirty etc etc , I beg to think otherwise. An unplanned one -day- trip to PD today has to be the climax of the long holiday I had (or so it was!) before I begin hell tomorrow. Swimming was just great (the waves were humongous!!), had some ‘old-school’ sand castle building on the beach and good food with my family, boy, that’s more I can ask for. Never mind I got sunburned and my shoulders and back are as red as ever (and boy it hurts!). The trip was worthwhile. :)

2005-07-28T09:02:00.000+08:00

As for the NEP (New Economic Plan) I have one question:
How Long?

It's ok if at the end of the day, this plan will actually benefit the poor Malays back at the rural areas, but will this really happen?

"It's so that everyone gets a piece of the cake".. I don't see why only specified people or race groups are deemed 'not' getting 'enough' portion of the cake. Because, the way I look at it, there are many other races (i.e. the Indians) in our country who are in extreme poverty and who are not in the specified economic field in a balanced proportion.

Then , they will say, that's the job of the MIC. With someone who has been there (the MIC) for centuries who will never budge, I do not think there will be support for the Indians, because, he is just like 'lalang' .

It is unfair to give time for a group of people when you do know, at the end of the 30years, the plan did not even reach its target. What makes them think that it will work now, despite all the so-called 'regulations'?

As far I am concerned, if you really want to make a certain group of people competitive, GIVE them COMPETITION, you want to make them 'GLOCAL' , GIVE them the ability to face the real 'global and local' reality! Don't come up with plans, (that, nevermind didn't work in the first place) and claim that it will help 'balance out' and have everyone 'share the cake'.

They say 'don't be afraid to take risks'. I think it's about time WE did.

Another Internal Joke

2005-07-27T13:35:00.000+08:00

It's nice to see that ponies are now recognized in the southern hemisphere...

2005-07-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

When Rafidah Aziz said that she had written a letter to Tun after when the AP (Approved Permit) scandal got out having the drama queen shed tears, I wondered to myself the relevance of her actually writing a letter. If she really had nothing to hide, she could have just say it out to the media; but NO, she wrote a letter to Tun.

Today, the letter is out open to the Media, according to Tun, who will ‘leak’ it out in ‘installments’. Is this really necessary? The fact that Rafidah took Tun for granted claiming he is like a ‘Father’ took a twist and all I can say is she brought it onto herself. As cunning it was for Tun to coincidentally take this all out in the open while the Prime Minister and Rafidah herself are in South Africa right now, is simply ‘plausible’. I’m waiting to see her reaction once she gets back, because, as of now, she does not want to give any comments to the journalist abroad.

Proton is a national entity. Our national entity. It has created somewhat of an identity and I am sure, behind all the minor complaints of it not being well assembled (the Proton Gen-2’s ever popular windshield) it still remains an element of our nation’s progress. The fact that we have our cars for sale in Germany and Australia, is pretty good a deal to have trust over our national car. To allow indiscriminate ‘provision’ of APs is simply abysmal in the sense that, this people do not even ‘run the show’ according to the book. In a world of competitive economy, I believe, there should be protocol abiding and not ‘medieval age’ ways of running things.

With Mahaleel ‘dismissed’ as Proton C.E.O, I wonder who is going to take his place. I hope, it will be someone who will bring Proton back to the automotive economic arena. I trust it will, as shares shot up just with Mahaleel leaving the company. Let’s hope the future looks good for Proton.

Me, myself and I

2005-07-25T23:34:00.000+08:00

My dear pgymatious friend asked me to do this....So here... For those who critisized me, i.e you Gongster you, here to you too!!

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Vasan
2. Forsakenangle (yes, angle)
3. Monstrouslittleboy?

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my height and foot size
2. my smile and dimples
3. my 'ahem'. I don't believe I just declared that.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my tummy.
2. my hair
3. that's about it i think.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Indian
2. British
3. Portuguese
(bet you didnt know that!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Thoughts of death of ANY of my family members
2. Knowing that somebody hates my guts
3. Life after death

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Water (seriously, i cant go out without a bath, or drink!)
2. Food
3. Thought/leson of the day

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. T shirt
2. Tracksuit
3. My gorgeous undies ( ok, you didn't have to know that!)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Robbie Williams
2. Linkin Park
3. Mariah

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Eminem- Toy Soldier
2. Alanis- uninvited
3. Spice Girls- Viva Forever
(random from all my favourite)

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Freedom
3. Understanding

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I am unique. Enough said.
2. I have a split personality sometimes
3. i'm abnormal

THREE physical things about the preferrd sex that appeals to you:
1. Height
2. Is heart considered physical??
3. smile

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Thinking and art stuff
2. Cooking, baking( honest!)
3. Yapping away

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Meet SL
2. Get rid of all the scars I have on my face
3. Eat

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Doctor in medicine
2. Latin Dancer
3. Swim suit model (hey, just for the experience!)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Europe ( the whole of it)
2. Australia
3. Africa

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Kevina Malni
2. Kiruvin Kumar
3. Thoshaun Kumar

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Most definately travel
2. Get a life partner??
3. Get my mum something she always wanted and reveal a secret

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. i love action and dares
2. i am loud and humourous
3. i do what guys do?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. i love cooking and baking
2. I dress well, too well sometimes
3. i can just sit and listen to problems for hours

THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Adrian
2. Jo En
3. Gongster

=P

The Week That Was

2005-07-25T11:06:00.000+08:00

One week of my holiday just vanished right before my eyes, but it was a great week indeed. Did my GP posting at my ex-town, had a great doctor to guide me, couldn't ask for anything more. My GP, Dr.Jaswant Singh was a quiet person, hardly spoke, but at least he thought me a thing or two. He allowed me to draw blood, give injections, micro surgery , USS, etc etc. Behind all this procedure, the best thing I learnt from him is how important communicating with patients is. Dr. Jaswant really has the whole BS thing going on. He certainly talks to his patients and acknowledges them, not the disease. He is rather understanding and takes the time to speak to his patients about their everyday life, just so they feel welcomed and respected. Oh, and he is multilingual. He speaks Cantonese, Urdu and Hindi, the latter important as he has many foreign workers coming to his clinic. I did not stay long, though, he only required me to come from 9am -1pm everyday, of which I left at 12pm everyday and skipped Tuesday. NOT because I was lazy, I had stuff to do. =)

----

Being at home was just great ..idling away...That was not good. Was suppose to meet up with a few other friends, but they were all busy, so, I just spent my time with my family, which is something I have not been doing. I was royally my aunts' chauffeur , driving up and down to town, KL, etc, picking up cousins, my brother from school and aunty from the office etc etc...boy, was I tired and USED! =)

I spent a lot of time with my brother during the past week,my mum just called me to tell me that my brother went to sleep hugging my pillow and did not want to go to school because I wasn't at home. Shaun, Shaun, grow up!!

-----

Last Friday, I had a drive down Cheras to Jo's place so we could catch the Amityville Horror, and boy, I gave myself a mental note never to drive down ANYWHERE in Cheras, esp after you get directions from Jo. ha ha =)

The Amityville Horror was pretty scary, it's worth a watch. Spooky. We watched it at 12am, and I had to drive home alone. My mission was just to reach home before 3.15am ( watch the movie and you'll understand why) and thank God, I did!

Radicalism vs Conservatism

2005-07-24T23:40:00.000+08:00

I couldn't wait to go for mass today. After a long period of sliding down the spiritual ladder, I think I'm finally (but slowly) climbing up the ladder again. Faith has its ups and down; and I think this is the nature that determines how strong our faith in God is, whether we give up easily, or thrive for the LIGHT, no matter how distant we are from it. Right, Sarah??

The Saint Francis Xavier Church has now a new priest ( in addition to our favourite Father Simon), Father Aloysius ( I'm not sure if its the correct spelling for his name) who is a rather radical priest, so to say, with new age mentality in regards to the progress of the Catholic Church.

Today, he gave a sermon about how we actually SHOULD love the world. Appalled? I was too. In accordance to today's gospel reading, he claims that the kingdom of heaven that was spoken about is this world and we should enjoy the time we have here on earth as it is God's blessing, something he made for us to enjoy and have a pleasure living in.

Now, don't get me wrong, he was definitely not saying that we should gamble, have random sex, etc, what he was actually saying is that sometimes Catholics make too many restrictions, or, on the whole, Christians sometimes make too many restriction in regards to the religion in the sense that we create unnecessary rules and relations to abide to. For example, some Christian churches believe that Teletubbies are satanic, they also feel that P& G is a satanic company because they endorse satanic churches. Father Aloysius was saying (in his very straight tone of voice), that we should all give ourselves a break, to put it in his words. "......... go read Dan Brown, watch movies, and for goodness sake , let your children read Harry Porter ( at which I noticed a boy nudge his mother's shoulder), just have some fun! I grew up reading all this type of books, and look at me, I'm not a satan worshiper!"

He emphasizes that we should expand our knowledge of the world, and not just stick to our believes and restrict ourselves un-intentionally. " To tell you the truth, if I meet these people everyday, I wouldn't think twice to just classify these people as an utterly boring lot"- he said, on people who just talk about churches, churches, religions, etc etc and all things good. In fact, Fr.Alloysius says, we should go over to other temples (Buddhist) to listen to the monk and heed what they say about peace and integrity, or watch a documentary on the Israel-Palestine conflicts.

To make things short, I think, what he wants to relay to us is that we should not be confined to our sole believes, instead, we ought to expand our horizons and learn and understand and more importantly experience that which is around us in our very own world. It will ensure that we get a better grasp of what is really happening, enable us to contemplate, and with this association, somehow understand the Beauty that GOD made for us to experience, love and cherish.

*Oh, ya, this was the very same priest who said that it is about time we had female priests, and argued the validity of the sin of killing and capital punishment; claiming that there had been instances (recently too) of beheading in the Vatican. He asked us to Google this piece of trivia and get the utmost information on what is really going on* - I've yet to do it. Will do so soon. =)

19th December

2005-07-19T16:32:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: December 19

Your birth on the 19th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life path.
But at the same time, it poses a number of obstacles to overcome before you are able to be as independent as you would like. The number 1 energy suggests more executive ability and leadership qualities than your path may have indicated.

A birthday on the 19th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. However, a somewhat self-centered approach to life that may be in conflict with some of the other influences in your life.
This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.

You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.
You do not tend to follow convention or take advice very well.

Consequently, you tend to learn through experience; sometimes hard experiences.
The 19/1 is a loner number and you may experience feelings of being alone even if you are married.
You may take on a tendency to be nervous and angry.

What's yours?

My Friend , Yvonne the Bygone

2005-07-16T12:33:00.000+08:00

In my previous posts, I thanked a number of my friends who actually helped me in my recent hype in entering word search contests....And my royal friend, La Pony de Yvonne, was always there to help me..... But why did I not acknowledge her once I was done? Simply because:

1) I had to FORCE the others to actually help me

2) I turned beautiful , fun, mamak sessions into a totally pointless boring jaunt

3) I made them sit with me and complete the word search, and at the same time insulted them for being slow pokes.

Now, don't you think they deserve a thank you note? That doesn't mean that I do not appreciate your kind help Yvonne, So, here is to "My Little Pony"....

THANK YOU! YOU'RE THE BEST! LOVE YA! MUACKS!*

*INTERNAL JOKE

Religion, an unforeseen enigma

2005-07-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

I had a good talk with my special friend the other day, J, about this very big topic, religion. Some people believe that if they don't know Christ, their destiny is hell. Others say it is justified to kill for your religion. Some say there is no such thing as God, we are just here, now..Probably the whole "Big Bang' theory.

What saddened me was the fact that religion, something so sacred has been turned into a subject open to ruthless condemned human exploitation that can never see an end of. It was interesting to know that the very foundation of religion (at least mine,) is to love. And, to love , to me, means to unify. At the present day now, we see that the very small matter of LOVE even, is separated due to religion (for those who are clueless, I'm talking about relationships), and the very existence of terror is also somewhat linked to religion.

It occurs to me that religion somehow acts as a divisive device rather than a unifying element. The question posed to me by my friend is that, Why is religion the only thing that is setting every other human apart, because, in essence, we are all human beings, the same, equal in sight. Why?

I feel that human beings always need something to hold on to, something to lean on, something to depend on, and here is where religion takes its spot. As far as I know, I cannot answer that question, but I do know that I know the truth and it is the truth (light) that will set you free. Redundant? You bet.

Wednesday, 9.04pm

2005-07-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

Ugh.....I'm close to dead!!! I have one more day to the deadline of my physiology report and I have yet to start!!! Anyway, I don't really know what I am going to write about. I just sometimes wonder why people never get what they want. She hardly falls in love, and one day she realizes that HE could be the one, and what happens? He has priorities...Oh well...

On another note, I find my literature review quite interesting, ( if only I started earlier!!!), it's about dreams and how it relates to memory, I'll probably post some interesting ideas up once I'm done.

I just met a girl today who has never cooked rice before, and made yesterday her first time. Read more.

I am surprised that people talk behind my back ALL THE TIME. Yesterday Adeline (my beloved friend) told me that they(debaters, I presume) categorized me as Metrosexual. They included Jody into that. Well, I don't mind.

I've posted my NST Word Search contest...I would like to thank Gongster (again), Sarah, for your efforts in helping me with the slogan,

Ken Zomy, Jo En and Jenny, for painstakingly aiding me in looking for the words and taking my insults on youguys as compliments ( Well, I am the king, after all...) during our mamak sessions at Stevens.....

Let's hope we get a ride in the BMW....

Memory

2005-07-12T17:53:00.000+08:00

1. I have a report due on Friday. Bad news is, I have not started.

2. I have another report, due tomorrow.

3. My computer is still being repaired

4. The library closes at ten.

5. I don't have the com at home to continue my work.

6. I think I should start my work.

On the bright side, my group presentation on "How Breastfeeding Influences Memory" was great. Good job Zosimo, Kar Ying and Jacqueline! I think we did an excellent job! =)

Funeral

2005-07-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

Some things are funny. Some are not. They are just plain rude.

There was a group working over the weekend over a presentation due on Monday. 4 of them in the group, 3 were wearing normal colourful clothes, 1 was wearing a burkha- like all black baju kurung? I don't know, point is, she was wearing a large tudung, and it was all BLACK.
So, in Food Avenue:

" Oh, God, look at that..!" - Squinting towards the girl in black.

Later....

" Hey, why are you dressed like it's a funeral?" - group mate of girl in black.

Even later......

"Hey, look to your right, 3 weddings and A Funeral!" - the person who said oh ,god, in Food Ave. ( as the group members walk out the library)

I know it's funny, but for God's sake, decency???!!!

My conclusion: People run out of good jokes when under stress.

Yes, Apparently I've gone nuts....

2005-07-07T20:20:00.000+08:00

You're a Beetle!

Talk about multiple personalities! You have more distinct perspectives and varied individuals in your head than just about anyone. You keep thinking you see yourself everywhere you go, as well. There are just so many folks who look exactly like you, who have your name, and it's left to the subtle differences for you to sort yourself out. If it sounds like you're confused, that's no accident. Your favorite car is a Volkswagen. Let it be!

Yes, Yet Another Quiz......Kill me!

2005-07-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

You're the United Nations!

Most people think you're ineffective, but you are trying to completely save the world from itself, so there's always going to be a long way to go. You're always the one trying to get friends to talk to each other, enemies to talk to each other, anyone who can to just talk instead of beating each other about the head and torso. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, and you get very schizophrenic as a result. But your heart is in the right place, and sometimes also in New York.

Summer Movies

2005-07-05T15:58:00.000+08:00

During this whole period of Selectives, I must admit that I watched quite a number of movies...Both recent and past. The Selective period is really relaxing (as you can tell by my frequent updates), and I have been filling out much of my time yapping , eating( and hence turning into Nutty Professor!), a little reading and of course the MOVIES. Although I had all the time in the world, I didn't do what I normally do: Watch 3 movies in a row (in the cinema).Nonetheless, I managed to watch these few movies, and here are some reviews on that which I have seen and that which I'm looking forward to.

This is a movie about an Interpreter (Nicole) working at the UN who overheard a conversation on assassination of a leader which is going to happen during a Summit at the UN Headquarters. The movie has a good twist in it, has a little about the genocide (something that is close to my heart) and somewhat emulates that which is occurring in the world right now. (My guess: Rwanda). So this Interpreter tries to stop this assassination, but turns out the FBI thinks that she is the prime suspect. The movie then goes down memory lane, inciting times when she was a rebel in this one country in the Africa continent( can't remember where).
So, what happens?
The assassin is finally sought, and of course, it was pretty surprising who the REAL assassin really was. A good movie to watch, great action, suspense, a little emotional not much romance( which is a good thing!!). Nicole did a good job.
The Verdict: Good movie. Go watch.

This movie is just for those who wanna drool over Brad Pitt and Angie. Obviously, there was a rotten storyline, dumb actions, (yawn) and oh my god, did they think that movie goers are as dumb as jungle people? Geesh..
The Verdict: for your fantasy escapades,it's worth the watch.

Good action.Good storyline.Good ending. Great mobile. The producer did a good job in maitaining a balance between the storyline and the action part of it. For new-Batman-fans, this is probably a good movie to start with.
The Verdict: " I will use my fear to create fear in others"....go figure.

Like my previous post , this movie is a must watch. It's not about what you see, it's about what you feel - that's what I tell everyone.
The Verdict: If the world was really at war, watch this before you fight. (lame =))

Ghost Train- yet another one of the millions of horror movies that have been mushrooming recently. To tell you the truth, this movie SUCKS!! Bad actors + Bad storyline + Bad images= Horrible movie
The Verdict: Seriously, do I have to tell you??

An OK movie i guess. I feel that the producer gave us a warning before we watched the movie, because, in the posters, it's written: "What IF memories were stored in chips"...A movie where people can have a ZOE implant before they are born. This will have their lifelong memories recorded, and once they are dead, the family can ask for a re-memory of the deceased, and this is where the 'Cutter' comes into action to sieve the memory and only produce the good memories for the re-memory. The story entails anti-implant groups fighting for rights to own memory and it somehow portrays the ill-effects if we ever do have such a device. Well, not all our memories are good, right? The movie encircles around this hot-shot who has been molesting his child and had a pretty horrible status, but swept under the carpet because he was rich and famous. His memory chip gets destroyed, and so who is the next target?
The Verdict: Watch and find out. Although I have to warn that it's not worth your money.

Old movies.....

I bet many have already watched this movie. I love true stories....Leo does a good job when in comes to impersonating people. Good movie. I enjoyed it.

Movies I'm looking forward to......

The Amityville Horror.

Fantastic Four - can't wait!

Chronicles Of Narnia

Initial D ..(just for the cars!!)

Movies I'm NOT looking forward to....

Click. Apparently did not get any nominations, I'm not sure If I should even try watching it....

Come on, Jet Li?? Geesh....

Yet another quiz

2005-07-04T17:45:00.000+08:00

You're Dune!
by Frank Herbert
You have control over a great wealth of resources, but no one wants to let you have them. You've decided to try to defend yourself, but it may take eons before you really get back what you feel you deserve. Meanwhile you have a cult-like following of minions waiting for your life to progress. This would all be even more exciting if youcould just get the sand out of your eyes.

I kinda agree with that which have been written. Especially the part about no one wants to let me have them. Hey, call me paranoid,I'm just stating the obvious.

War of The Worlds.

2005-06-30T13:25:00.000+08:00

Anything free is always good. That is how I wished I felt yesterday at the beginning of the movie: War of The Worlds. This was a fantastic movie. I'll tell you why I did not feel all that good later on.

No spoilers here, but this movie is great in the sense that it portrayed humans behaviour and emotions at its best. I feel that what Steven Spielberg really wanted to reveal this out; apart from the outerspace aliens and also the action part of it. In times of desperation, how do people actually react? Are we all selfish in the sense that we put more importance in our life than others apart from our family?
If you look deep into this movie you will notice how Tom Cruise actually did a good job portraying the different emotions that each and everyone of us go through everyday of our life. Now, I have to salute him for pulling it off well enough. Back to emotions. The movie represented the many forms of what we go through daily, and in reality, how do we react in times of great sadness and despair? Times when we are angry?Times of desperation? As I watched the movie, my mind brought me back to December 26 last year when tsunami striked and killed close to 30,000 people. I wondered how must this people have been feeling at that point of time? They were afraid, scared, hungry, lost and shocked. It must have been hard for them to accept that which had happen in such a short fraction of time. But, is this when they cry and mourn, or follow their survival instincts into saving themselves? This is when the horror starts. Everyone wants to save themselves! When we read newspapers and we see photographs depicting children and adults young and old rushing for food, it's a pitiful sight. BUT, that's just what WE see. Imagine being there. The last bread left. One man and a mother trying to get that for her starving child. It was only ONE bread. We could have shared, but will that actually happen?
This is when humans beings exude their true behaviour. Our innate instincts into doing what is best for us and for us only. Instinct to survive, Instinct to feed, Instinct to love, Instinct to KILL. Yes, kill. This movie had this part of the human nature portrayed eloquently where every human being actually does have that killer instinct in them. Scary, ain't it? In this movie, there are parts when it plays human beings killing for survival. It's not gruesome, it's the fear that it projects , the fear that will seep right down to your bones and this is the essentials of the movie. Which brings me back to what I said earlier about not really feeling good about the movie, because, when you really think about it, humans are terrifying beings. They're unpredictable and instinct is something perilous. You wonder what is running through the minds of these people before they kill.

All in all it was a great movie. I'm gonna stop writing about it , or I will just spoil the movie for those who have not watched it. To those who are gonna pay for the movie and not watch it for free, look at THE BIG PICTURE.

Reunions.

2005-06-28T17:53:00.000+08:00

On Sunday, my aunty got herself a new car. It was a Kia Rio. It's kinda nice, the car. I was made to drive around with that car,as my aunty was not really confident to take over the wheels. It was fun. If it wasn't for her being in the car, I would have driven at least 160km/h, but phooey! I couldn't......Anyway, to where I drove the car..................
There was a so - called reunion at my grand- uncle's place because my 'nieces' (I'm an uncle already!!geesh!) just got baptised. Well, the thing is, they are part of my extended family that I hardly visit. Probably once a year. Yeah. So, my mum being the social queen that she is started her whole out-loud HIs and giving her hugs and kisses to every I've- not-seen -you -so-long people there while her sisters (my aunties) sat in the corner claiming that my mum is just so, hmmm, sometimes, unpredictable (in a good way). The people whom my mum hugged and kissed were my cousins, uncles, nephews, nieces, grandchildren, I don't know...But it was fun to be there to actually get to know about all my extended family members. I must say that my mum is really admirable, and I got that trait of hers, because when I 'm in a social outing, I easily break the ice and also, like my mum, hug people accordingly. The problem with this is that some people find it pretty awkward (I bet Sarah's cousin can tetstify to that!) to be hugged and all. Anyways, I must give my mum an applaud because when we went t o my granduncle's place it was DEAD. Not until my mum got there, it wasn't. =)
My grandaunty was around there that day, too. She had this funny pony tail everyone was poking fun at. To the real story, she hadn't seen my uncle for ages and we had to keep repeating my uncle's name etc etc etc. The moment my uncle said : " Do I remind you of your brother (my uncle's dad, who is my grandad)",my grand aunty started crying and kissing my uncle and all. Obviously she did that because she missed my grand dad who died when he was a young man. I just found it so hilarious because she just didn't stop crying. But,deep down inside I could feel her love for my late grandfather, who lost his leg and died for my country......Salute.

So this is yet another boring post of mine ending with my whining of how I have not been studying. Maybe I should start crying.

I Hate Chairs

2005-06-22T13:49:00.000+08:00

I hate chairs. Nevermind the fact that I was having a pretty good day which was then spoilt by the dumb chair I was about to sit on. Now, why do I hate chairs....

1. Yesterday, thanks to a very brilliant person, I fell right down on my butt because this smart-ass thought it will be a good idea to pull the CHAIR away just when I wanted to sit.

embarrassment scale: 8/10,( well, there were 10 other people in the room).

2. During lunch today, just when I was about to sit, my LEG just decided to sabotage me when it kicked my CHAIR away. What happened to me? GO FIGURE.

embarrassment scale: 9.5/10 ( Well, duh, it was at the roof top!!!)

3. Last week in KKB, when a bee was chasing me from my room, I ran to the hall, had the CHAIR block my way and I fell flat on the floor. Eugene, Prashanth, Yuhana, Kenneth were there.

embarrassment scale: 5/10. (Since it was just them.)

I take it that I have learned my lesson. Pull the chair away when brilliant people suddenly decide to have a sit. If you fall during lunch, ask the people; " What are you looking at?!"

Moronic post? I agree.

Why do we fall?

2005-06-20T15:32:00.000+08:00

To Learn To Pick Ourselves Up.

It's been a long lasting close-to-depression state of mind and I am pretty much sick of it. There will be a new beginning starting today and I am really hoping that these changes will bring the best out of me, (I could use some), with the finals 25 weeks away and all. I will be doing Physiology for my Selective, something that I did not want to do, but nevermind. Maybe God has his reasons on why I have to do Physiology and not Behavioural Sciences.

Being back home and having everyone nag at my ears claiming that I have changed a lot was not much of a help, but I guess it will, indirectly.

This post is just a personal reminder to me that I need a change, and it's gonna be for the best.

By the way to all the Group E KKB Hospital visit people: Thank you so much for such a fun time there!!

**look out for news on the KKB experience in up coming posts**

Read the Fine Print (provided it doesn't kill you first)

2005-06-10T22:10:00.000+08:00

Okay.. so I noticed everyone else's font size here is smaller than mine. As I was saying in a previous comment, I am hard of seeing. Fine print, that is. This is what you guys' fonts look like to me:

Now these are some mean ass fonts! And when I say 'mean ass', i MEAN mean ass ™ ;p

Somehow, that trademark phrase doesn't seem half as hilarious anymore now that we're back in KL...it took KKB by storm though, haha!! (self-praise is no praise, yvonne...)

Speaking of ironic statements that Vas mentioned below, I doubt I'll ever forget the one regarding Dr. YCL. I wonder how he sleeps at night... Also, Vas, you forgot to mention this ironic/slow/disengaged brain/insert synonym here statement:

The title of the slide was: "K-sparing diuretics and its USES". USES as in 'uses'. SOMEONE (*cough cough*)then asked me "What is U-S-E-S?????"
Haha I wished I had replied: Ultra Slowness/Extreme Slowness, whichever tickles your fancy! Who's slow NOW?? ☺

But I have yet to see anybody top this:

Pharmacy Nurse: Do you know what's clindamycin?
Guess Who: Yes, it's penicillin.

The Irony TEST

2005-06-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

I took yet another test and this is what I scored. Looks like I do have an obsessive compulsive behaviour. Try it! (click on title above)

Pessimist
Congratulations! You scored 0!

Fot you, the glass is half-empty. You aren't completely optimistic, but you're not a complete realist. You are aware of what is missing, but do not understand why. With some effort, you will become more aware of your needs.

phooey! online test sucks!!

The Irony of Statements Made

2005-06-09T11:05:00.000+08:00

When I sit and think about people, sometimes it’s a wonder how people can come up with hilarious phrases. I thought of a few and I figured I’ll quote them here for all to read, several may be personal jokes that only few understands, but never mind. At least when I read it someday I know that somebody actually said this.

“Don’t underestimate my ass bitch, cos’ I’ll fart you to oblivion” – Rahman, on pissing him off

“I thought we were shopping??” – Yvonne on people who catwalk when they were suppose to be SHOPPING

“Point sir!” – Hai Liang, in his dreams

“Chaos can move the people to advocate better change in the society” – Debater, UST

“I can feel the isthmus of the thyroid, both lobes are palpable and soft in texture” – DrYCL a.k.a ‘wonder boy’ on a patient who has had a THYROIDECTOMY.

“Genocide is not a problem”- debaterX

“I can’t come cos’ I have a sore throat” – Sarah, SHOUTING across the hall on being prompted to go for a movie.

“I’m late because I was ironing my coat”- Ken, on being question the reason of him being late for CSU (Clinical Skills Unit)

“I drink like a Camel…. (Minutes later after 1L of H2O)…I feel like puking”- Mr. V

And the Results Are:

2005-06-09T00:58:00.000+08:00

I just took the personality test and as expected, my levels of "histrionic" are HIGH...darn! now i can't poke fun of someone ..*cough* PONY! *cough* ;p

In view of an 'online test' frenzy, try this colour test:
http://www.njagyouth.org/colortest.swf

madagascar

2005-06-08T17:07:00.000+08:00

Just so u all would like to know, we had this community med session this afternoon, and this guy was showing all the moves he learned from the king of the lemurs in madagascar.

Move no 1: apparently you should violently shake your hips like you had this hoop around your waist and you scream "physically fit physically fit physically physically physically fit"!

Move no 2: Do the famous egyptian dance while chanting "i like to move it move it!" over and over again 20 times

Move no 3: if you are angry/unhappy with someone, especially girls, just entail them in a pushing/shoving match. make sure both hands are free to tickle their sides. this will give you the winning edge!

Here's Julian, the famous lemur king!

My Personality

2005-06-08T16:08:00.000+08:00

I did a personality test and here's the results. I have to disagree with the fact that I'm narcissistic because I don't think I actually am...Geesh...these online test are so inaccurate!

Disorder. Rating

Paranoid: Low

Schizoid: Low

Schizotypal: Moderate

Antisocial: Low

Borderline: Low

Histrionic: High

Narcissistic: High

Avoidant: Low

Dependent: Moderate

Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

* click on tittle to perform test*

Interesting Moments

2005-06-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

So anyway, I'm having my GP posting all this week. I'm doing it at HeartScan, Bangsar.

And I gotta say, diagnostics technology here is pretty interesting. I've only been around for 2 days and I've already seen quite a lot. I found the colonoscopies to be most interesting though. Am I hooked or what? Wait til you smell the solution to wash the scope ;p...I thought it had a hint of vanilla about it...The other nurses found it weird that I should actually like it haha! See? I'm one in a million man!!!

Meanwhile...check out this lunch bill below:

And that was the total for just ONE person...WTH! And it wasn't even as if I had a huge serving or anything. But the cake was really nice though...I'm wondering if I should go back for more of it...and then whine about it here ;p

Saint Mary's Church, Singapore

2005-06-03T16:43:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, Sheena, Richard and I, on our search for a Catholic church in Singapore, discovered the aforementioned church at Bukit Batok, Singapore. It was the best modern church I have ever seen and here are the pictures! Seriously the church looked like it was sponsored by Ikea,Sweden because it was so state-of-the-art.

The 12th Station

The 13th Station

Interior seating

The 'suspended' Jesus

Holy Water, flowing in an indoor 'fountain'

Suspended Jesus and Altar

Same old..

2005-06-03T12:10:00.000+08:00

It's June and colleges around KL are already starting new semesters..so the other night I was lying in bed trying to sleep and suddenly I remembered this:

4 years ago, I was holidaying in London. The exchange rate was a killer and we had to depend on the subway. Late one night, we had to take the train back to Knightsbridge (digression:we were staying in Bank Negara's Eaton Square apartment...accommodation was EXCELLENT ;p). So anyway, because it was un peu late, there was hardly a soul around in the Knightsbridge station.

You know how there are always billboard ads around in stations right? There was one for 'Cats', the longest running musical ever(it's finally stopped abt 2 yrs ago..thankfully). The poster was showing a freeze frame of some dance routine and all the dancers were smiling their hearts out. And right smack across this ad, someone had written in bold letters:

SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT YEAR.

Being the lame cow that I was, I burst out laughing and even pointed it out to my uncle(whom I later learnt was actually pretty fond of 'Cats'...)

Lazy Days....

2005-06-02T15:03:00.000+08:00

The day was just so sluggish...Sigh. Eversince I came back from the AUDC all I have been doing is complaining that I'm tired, tired, tired and all I did was sleep, sleep and sleep. It's appalling the amount of hours I spent sleeping...what a waste of time!!! I read somewhere that neurons die every hour, shouldn't I be awake using them instead of sleeping? This whole week I have just been reading blogs, sleeping,reading blogs and e-mailing my relatives back at Seattle. **Gosh, I miss you guys!!**

Like I said, I was reading blogs ( and Phillipino debaters' blogs, to be exact,) & I realised that these people read a lot!! Most of them are doing 'Political Sciences' and I guess that is where they get all their debate knowledge. Impressive. I have also been reading the IMU debaters blogs, and Elena, thanks so much for insulting me. Appreciate it.....(mode: sarcastic)

I wonder how the days are going to be...I hope it's not going to be as dead. I'm going to watch Madagascar tomorrow, looking forward to that, plus, I have not met up with my CSS (Catholic Student Society) friends for quite some time. Looks like I have not met up with a lot of people...Jane, Sheena, my aunties..What have I been doing????

Oh, since I'm at it, I thought I'll share a little bit about Hari Gawai. Being in west Malaysia, I guess its rare that you get invited for a Gawai dinner. I went over to Sarah's place the other day for Gawai dinner, and boy was the food good. Most of the delicacies were brought over from Sarawak (the homeland), & I thought it was pretty good. I didn't bother asking what they were, but I know the 'rojak sotong' was excellent, the prawn was good, and the Lemang was the best! No, wait, everything was good!! The Lemang was especially nice, I was told that it was made back at Sarawak...hmmm....thanks Sarah!! And of course, (I have to mention this) some of Sarah's relatives were there and I was the only one there who was Sarah's friend. So, you could have guess what they thought. Even her cousins thought so. Adrian and Jasmine, it was great talking to you guys, keep in touch!

It's 3.30pm right now, I still have almost half a day left. Gonna go jogging later and hopefully do some studying later on. This is such a boring post. I pity those who have read it.

"Lazy days

Don't let them get you down

Wear your smile

I don't want to see you frown

Don't let them get you down

In can happen in any season

We don't need any reason

To sit around and wait

The world could change in a second,

So I find the sunshine beckons me,

To open up the gate and dream

And dream"

-Lazy Days, Robbie Williams

Asian University Debate Championship

2005-06-01T12:01:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I updated my blog and I have been nagged by some of my fellow bloggers on how boring and redundant my blog is . So I thought I'll just write. Anyway, before I go on, it would probably be good if I just informed everyone that Yvonne now shares this blog with me, as well as Sarah, so just take note.

Going to Singapore for the Asian University Debate Championship was really a good experience. Nanyang Technology University is such a beautiful modern university, it has the best facilities for its students and is, undoubtedly very student friendly. The debates were great as the motion were all fresh motions, and it was fun debating especially when you are going against the Philippine teams. They are awesomely good debaters!! I learned a lot from these people, their command of the language is good and their ability to make even the simplest point into a full blown argument is intriguing. Their passion in debating reflects when they speak and this is another thing I admire about them. I guess they put a lot of effort in training for tournaments; one of them even mentioned that they actually train everyday, wow!! IMU has a lot to learn from the Philippine debaters.

During this tournament I also understood how important it is to communicate well with your team mates because communication between members is one vital aspect in winning a debate. I learned how bad a debate round can turn when you misunderstand and do not communicate well with your team mates. Boy, I never want something like that to occur again! Although there were mis-communication, my team mates and I resolved the matter quickly and I thought that was very impressive. ** YP and RGL, you guys are the best!!**

As you have read so far, I wrote about all the good things that happen during my time there. I'm not going to write about the not-so-good things that occurred, because I left it in NTU before coming back here. =)

Hardcore Days & Softcore Nights...

2005-05-23T03:10:00.000+08:00

It's 3am right now and i'm in overdrive!

Anyway, I just wanted to recommend u ppl to listen to this song: Not For All the Love in the World by The Thrills...it's epic sadness...and i LOVE it! No excuse not to d/l it seeing as we're pretty free now...it's the softcore nights for the next few weeks!

Also, i've thought over the Selectives and i think i'll take my chances with Patho first followed by Travel Med...and then BS...i hate physiology(sorry sarah!)

Meanwhile, enjoy your nights ppl.

I'm now more encouraged to blog

2005-05-20T16:57:00.000+08:00

i'm now more encouraged to blog. (read:vandalize). Like this!

Bad Week

2005-05-19T13:32:00.000+08:00

WARNING: THIS IS A BITCHY POST.

It's 1.30pm & I'm waiting for the lady at AAD to return from her ever infinite lunch break just so I can change my damn selective. IMU sucks. Big Time. The whole week was filled with moronic idiots giving me a bad time and just fucking annoying me. Renal does not seem to be going so well since, they just decided,hell, I'll give you a hard test so you'll learn your lesson shit. Well, I dont think it'll work. Giving us a pseudo 3 weeks to compress renal into our grey matter is a bad idea. Wait till I meet the Dean after Renal.

CSU has been awfully damaging with fucking kiasu-s never giving anybody else a chance to bloody learn since they are all smart and all. Damn it. And PBL was a just another sad case since the bloody Dr just sat there ignoring the fact that whatever we presented could be wrong. He is so gonna get it when I speak to the dean, again. Fuck you CL Yung! What the Fuck???!!!!!!!! BURN IN HELL!!! i'm sorry, i mean go back to hell-lah!!!WTF????

And some infuriating assholes(read:bastards) just never grow up and still behave like they are in secondary school, well, guess what I dont fucking care. To make things worst, that idiot's gonna be the group leader when we go to the hospital.Shit. Then I had this 'friend' who just decided he'll patch things up by just ignoring the fact that he was a complete jerk when he had a girlfriend and envy was all that lingered around him. Well, guess what, I dont fucking care how you feel. You deserve to be treated the way you were treated yesterday. This is very unlike me but i guess it's just the long bad week.............*sob*

I'm gonna end here and just hope that tomorrow will come soon because I just can't take it. Gosh, I'm so mad!

**Keena, if you are reading this, excuse me** =(

Men vs. Emotions

2005-04-20T10:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I’m glad I’m a man. I notice that even saying the word sometimes is controversial, but, what the heck.
When I sit and think about times long ago when terrible things happened, I’m just thrown down to tears. Thoughts about my ill aunty, who means so much to me, my sister, and more over some people around me who are facing hardships in life; can really move me. Being a pretty sensitive person, I can’t blame my self for being such an emotional freak. (Mind you, I don’t cry in public). The thing is, I feel good after I cry. Somehow the tears act as a ‘tranquil factor’ that calms me from whatever I was thinking about. It makes me feel better. That’s it. As I walk down memory lane, I recall the times that I have cried: tears of victory in regard of straight A’s, when I watched this soap opera where a pregnant mother fell down and died and the son was shouting out and calling for her (yes, you got it right, it was a Tamil movie), when I was so mad with my friend that I gave him a punch and regretted doing so, and this once when I was publicly humiliated. I was so mad I cried. Not ashamed about it. Geesh. So much for being a man.
Which brings me to the question of the day.
Is it really wrong for a man to cry?
Does it really bring down the level of his machismo just because he is sensitive?
Personally, I think it’s ok for a man to cry; and I’m not saying this just because I cried. It’s terrible, I feel, that guys are set in such a scenario where they always have to be strong, brave and able do deal with everything that come their way. Which makes me wonder why the rate of committing suicide is higher in the male gender?
By this I’m not saying that guys have to turn to becoming sissies. Neither do I think that guys should cry for every single thing in their life. I just feel that men should have the liberty to be allowed to cry. They shouldn’t feel ashamed about it. I don’t know. Sigh. Maternal upbringing has thought me that it is all right to cry. Maybe that could be a reason that set me apart. Despite being brought up in such a way, I must say that my uncle played a huge influence in my forming to a ‘macho’ man. He always undermined me, pushed me to the limits, made me do what I hate to do, and made sure I dare not even shed a tear. I was known as a crybaby. Growing up with two different teaching, I guess I got the best of both. As I grew, I hardly cried (the moments I cried above were times when I was 5-12 years of age), only because I thought that MEN SHOULD NOT CRY. Actually, a little about my uncle, he was a little to the extreme. He never allowed me to carry an umbrella, wear pink, tight clothes, have long hair; etc etc the list goes on and on.
At the end of this, I’m sure the facts that I laid down about myself and what I think might raise some brows. Fuck it. Just let me know what you think, leave a comment.

"When you don't let boys cry tears, they cry bullets"

**click on Men vs. Emotions title above to a hyperlink on sensitivity & men**

Pajam

2005-04-12T13:03:00.000+08:00

When I heard that I was going to Pajam for the Reproductive Clinic Visit, I was excited. The joy of taking a long ride in an IMU van was something I was looking forward to. (Call me pathetic,hey, I see my glass as have full, thank you!). But when I heard that it was literally a kampung house, I dreaded going, until today, where I had no choice but to go to the ' Cow-boy's Town'.Upon reaching there, I must say, yes, It was a Clinic on stilts. The veranda was all washed this early morning and the place was pretty serene with only one female gravid. I looked at my watch, thinking to myself it is a longgggggggg wayyyyyyyy to 11am.Sigh.

After meeting the nurse in charge, my views changed. Sister Valli her name was and she is one dedicated nurse. The clinic is only runned by two nurses and she is the head of the clinic. What impressed me was the things that they do:

1) They attend to the patients who come to the clinic (obviously!)

2) She advises them on what to do, right down to informing the mother that she should stop putting moth balls into the closets, as the soon to be born child might be allergic to it.

3) She speaks to them in a very polite and friendly manner, which is something we can hardly see here in goverment clinics.

4) She then goes for her home visits later in the afternoon for antenatal care and also care for the newborns.

Now, this was the thing that interests me. In the clinic they have Pap Smear days, Child care days, family planning days,doctor days etc. Nurse Valli inspects on the growth of a child when she goes for her home visits. There is a category for malnourised children , and this is where she educates the mother on simple yet healthy recepies. If the family is too poor, there is a monthly subsidy for the family in the form of groceries. This is until the child attains perfect weight. Nurse Valli explains that sometimes, the provision just is not enough, and thus, she uses her own money to provide the basics for the stipulated families. Mind you, she said this in the most humble note. And did I mention that she goes to these home via motorbike that she had to buy on her own? This was only because she cannot cycle anymore. Yes, previously they were provided with a bicycle. Thank God she had enough money to get herself a motocycle. God....

Apart from that, Nurse Valli is so dedicated that she does her best to educate those in her town. When she notices a big crowd of ladies in the town getting vegetables, she walks up to them, makes friends and explains all about PAP Smear and how vital it is for each lady to be screened. This action is most definately not futile, as she claimed that these ladies actually do come for the PAP Smear. She also deals with orang asli and says that they are rather unhygienic and walk around without slippers. So, I'm sure by now you would have guessed what she has done. Yes, she bought them slippers (using her own money again!) and she tells the natives that the slippers makes them look nice hence, they should wear it all the time. She did not bother telling them about worm infections. Amazing. Talk about BS* in action. Nurse Valli has formed such a unique relationship with those from that town that she sometimes have patients coming there pouring out their feelings and their emotions due to family problems,etc. She takes time to listen to them. She has planned a 'Hari Masakan' for this Saturday, 16th April. The mission here is, yes, obviously to spend time cooking together and mingling, but she has a different purpose to it. She is going to take the oppurtunity to educate the people there about their health, conduct PAP Smears, teach diabetics how to make chapati, teach mothers how to cook healthy food, give some aged (warga emas) some medications and the list goes on and on and on. All in all she has really got her priorities set. She has also taken the oppurtunity to educate the 'bidan kampung' on home delivery and educated them on blood transmisable diseases.Later when questioned on her salary, she claims that despite being the only one working at times, she never gets paid for it. All the programs that she conducts, her motorcycle, travelling and working in two different clinics are all on her own expenses. But then again, with a happy note, she says that she does not mind not getting a raise and using her own money for the people. She said: " God knows me well, that's enough, and as long I can garner the patient's trust, it's all well".

So at 11 am, I was pretty reluctant to go back to IMU. Was hoping that I could go for the home visits. Tomorrow's batch will be able to do so.

I almost forgot to mention that with her 23years of experience she taught us pretty much about antenatal care i.e. using the foetoscope,measuring the fundal height, doing a PE**,taking the history, palpating the abdomen, and also explained the complications that can sometimes arise. She gave us all a chance to palpate and hear the foetus' heart beat.

At the end of the trip, I was elated to know that there are still some people out there, who are so very dedicated to their job, putting aside material importance and just being who they are, helping and aiding the community in every way they can. Their lives revolve around other people, and not themselve, and I think this is something that the world is losing on.This has inspired me much, and to Nurse Valli: SALUTE. =)

** Each clinics to where IMU sends their students are given a certain amount of money. Yes, Nurse Valli uses it solely for community purposes**

*BS- Behavioural Sciences

**PE- Physical Examination

I'm a GENIUS!!!

2005-02-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

After the recent UiTM no frills, everyone thought I was a great liar. Guess what? That lie was not a lie afterall. Plutonium IS derived from Uranium and these compounds, yes, are used as nuclear weapons. so, Adeline, Richard, and Mastura IIU, here!

Those interested can go to :

On Plutonium Chemistry :

http://www.chemcases.com/2003version/nuclear/nc-08.htm

On nuclear Weapons:

http://www.iaea.org/worldatom/Programmes/ActionTeam/nwp2.html

UiTM No Frills

2005-02-21T15:55:00.000+08:00

I must say, Saturday was a great day. well, we didn't make it to the finals ( When I say WE I mean Richard, Adeline and I), but it just was great. We won two rounds of three, we trashed Novice 2, then we lost 1/2 a point against IIU 3, and then we won again victoriously against IIU7. I swear we could have won the 2nd round on the motion that " Same sex couples should be allowed to adopt children" where we were the goverment. That could have taught Miss -torn -ligament a thing or two. The only reason we lost was because the adjudicator said we did not prove how the children will not be harmed when I have CLEARLY said that the Orphanage's Welfare department will be monitoring the falmilies, thus that would not be a reason for the child to be unsafe. Bummer. Shit happens, but well, we only lost by 1/2 a point !!!!! That's fantastic. I'm hoping that the IMU debaters will be able to train ( as hard as those IIU debaters) quite soon for the upcoming debates so we can kick ass! The look on Miss-torn-ligament's face when the adjudicator said she should behave a little more professional was PRICELESS.

Hey, I think I should stop being a bitch. Well, fair game played, I'll stop complaining.
The third round was outstanding. We went in the debate room knowing nuts on the motion that " This house will support global disarmament" where we were opposing. We were like doomed and were just ready to get trashed. But hey, what do you know,we won!! woo-hoo!
The funny part about this debate is that we were arguing that nuclear plants can be used to make nuclear weapons at any time, thus their proposal does not stand.
Then....
Gov2 : "Mdm speaker, uranium is used in nuclear plants and plutonium is used to make nuclear weapons. Plutonium is a rare element. Thus, the opposition has failed to prove a point"

Then.....P.O.I
V : What if the countries risk the sanctions?
Gov2: UN will go for a WAR against those countries.

Fine. Then... My turn..

V: Mdm speaker, standing here as a physics student, I can tell you that Uranium has a short half life. It decays and it actually forms Plutonium, which then can be used as a nuclear weapon. Shame on the side of the Gov for they have failed to understand this.
...they actually believed me!! ( hey, it could be true!)

V: Mdm speaker, Gov2 said that UN will go for a war against those countries....( interupted)
P.O.I,
Gov2: I did not mean military war.
ha ha ha then what? food war? that's so silly!

Anyway, I think I'm gloating over the victory. I need a reality check. Have to work harder for the next tournament.
* thanks Adeline, Richard, you guys were great!! Sheena, you too*

When In Heavens are YOU gonna die??!! muahahahaha

2005-02-04T14:31:00.000+08:00

Try finding out when you're gonna die, come one, there's so many people we have to kill before we know when we ourselves are gonna die, right? =)

Better Man

2004-11-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been told
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around, Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around.....

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

Tales of A Little Boy

Hoping

Day 6

The End Where I Begin

Wishing you well

Day 5

Day 4

Day 2

This ain't no sappy story

Love

Lend a helping hand

The End of A Wonderful Journey

Butterfly

Another Excuse to Procrastinate

Deep Thinking?

Chronicles of Vasan - The Dolphin, Hair, and the Hospital.

Hello people!!

A break

Eponymous Syndromes

As I awake..

On swimming Dolphins

People *Sigh*

Great balls

Juniors, Juniors.....

The 'Nerd' by Deborah

Your Say

What's eating James Parkinson (1817)

Bad Day

Annoyed.

Life as it is

On having a 'family dinner'..........

Narcolepsy

Panda's sexual escapades

Musings.....

Machiavellianism- NHSD 2005

Re- Emancipation of Dolphie

Walking away

Cold

To A Special Friend

M-16 and NS

UiTm Vice Chancellor Cup

This was suppose to be up ages ago..

The Beginning of an End

The Piano Man

Stronger

The ONE

Better days

Sunshine

Adeline, you're old.

Burning

And the Animal that represents me is...

The Pink Amazonian River Dolphins

When reality sets in,it hurts.

P.D

Another Internal Joke

Me, myself and I

The Week That Was

Radicalism vs Conservatism

19th December

My Friend , Yvonne the Bygone

Religion, an unforeseen enigma

Wednesday, 9.04pm

Memory

Funeral

Yes, Apparently I've gone nuts....

Yes, Yet Another Quiz......Kill me!

Summer Movies

Yet another quiz

War of The Worlds.

Reunions.

I Hate Chairs

Why do we fall?

Read the Fine Print (provided it doesn't kill you first)

The Irony TEST

The Irony of Statements Made

And the Results Are:

madagascar

My Personality

Interesting Moments

Saint Mary's Church, Singapore

People Sigh